Year: 2016

People Assume…

Quote Miss Poison Quotes , , , , , ,

“People assume you aren’t sick unless they see the sickness on your skin, like scars forming a map of all the ways you’re hurting.

My heart is a prison of ‘Have you tried’s? Have you tried exercising? Have you tried eating better? Have you tried not being sad, not being sick? Have you tried being more like me?” Have you tried shutting up?!

Yes, I have tried. Yes, I am still trying, and yes, I am still sick.

Sometimes monsters are invisible, and sometimes demons attack you from the inside. Just because you cannot see the claws and the teeth does not mean they aren’t ripping through me. Pain does not need to be seen to be felt.

Telling me there is no problem won’t solve the problem.

This is not how miracles are born. This is not how sickness works.” ―Emm Roy

The Problem With Being Called ‘Strong’ For Not Expressing Your Pain

Link Miss Poison Honesty, Pain, Writing , , , , ,

https://themighty.com/2016/09/why-its-ok-to-talk-about-your-pain-and-sadness/

Memo From Lisa: This is for every stupid, ignorant person who looks at me and thinks I am perfectly healthy and can do the things they want me to do with ease. It angers the hell out of me that you cannot see what I contain on the inside; that you don’t even bother to ask.

I haven’t been able to shake this unbearable spine pain. It’s been so horrific this week that I’ve been completely unable to function, except for small moments stolen thanks to herbal muscle relaxers that help calm me down for about an hour at a time here and there. I’m not sleeping well, my stomach is constantly ill, my entire skull hurts so bad from constant migraines, and I wake up each morning feeling like I’ve lost a battle and need to go back to bed, for the exhaustion and weakness knock me on my ass.

I don’t trust anyone to discuss the pain with them on a deeper level. The only people who understand are those who also suffer to this extent; they’re the only people who will agree that this is barbaric torture and that the ignorance of others makes it worse.

I keep my mouth shut a lot these days, as I tackle spine pain and migraines on a constant loop. I pray for my death. I pray for the pain to stop. I pray to be hit by a fucking car when I walk outside, and it took about a week for me to be able to walk properly after my spine popped almost two weeks ago. But yesterday; I lost it. I’ve spent this entire week unable to do things I planned. The pain has been overwhelming. I’ve spent my days in agony, in tears, suffering. Alone. Not a single person has asked if I’m all right, or if I need anything. If someone offers to help me, their price is too high to accept the help. In my eyes, that’s not “help”. That’s not love or support. There are other words for it, but today, I cannot articulate much.

When I woke up this morning, I was met with something that left me feeling downright murderous. Once again; I am faced with arrogance and ignorance, and the knowledge that I have been lied to for the past six years. There’s a special place in hell for people who think I can stand on my feet for 8-10 hours each day, and believe that I wouldn’t kill to have my former life back. Instead of being compassionate, empathetic, and supportive, they are vicious, cruel, and selfish. My best interests aren’t being prioritized. Don’t pretend to love anyone when you don’t know the meaning of the word, and don’t EVER think that “tough love” will cure what I suffer from. This is not the flu or an insect bite. Live with my pain for a year and then tell me how healthy I am. You’re not strong enough to go through the pain I battle daily.

From here on out, I’m not going to hold back. I am going to let it be known precisely how much pain I am in. Instead of fighting the urge to scream every night, I am going to be loud enough to be heard two towns away. Today, I’m on the Chronic Pain scale that, personally, I feel requires hospitalization. I cannot sit, stand, lie in bed, or move around too much, which sucks because my body desperately needs rest and to be calm. I always hope that tomorrow will be a better day, but I am genuinely afraid that the progression of my pain has reached my physical max in terms of tolerance levels. I want OUT.

I applaud Morgan for writing about this and pray a cure and/or relief finds her soon. 

Fall Equinox

Miss Poison Autumnal Equinox, Fall, God/Goddess, Mabon, September, Wicca, Writing , , , , , , , ,

ae-2016

Today is the Fall Equinox, when night and day are exactly at equal length. It is also one of the eight Pagan Sabbats called Mabon. It is named after the God Mabon. He is the Child of Light and the son of the Earth Mother Goddess, Modron.

Mabon is mainly a harvest festival, it is the last harvest before winter comes. In old times it would be a time to start stocking up on fruit, wheat, corn, and grain for the winter months ahead.

This is a time of transformation. The great wheel has turned as we pass into a new season and say goodbye to Summer. Earth is going through a major shift where darkness will now start to take over light as the nights get longer and days get shorter. Cold will start to take over warmth and death will start to take over life. Plants will wilt and trees will start to lose their leaves, fields will become baron and grey. Wild animals will begin to gather food for the winter months before going into hibernation.

Mabon is a time of thanksgiving. We thank the God and Goddess for all that we have and thank them for the harvest. The sap of trees returns to their roots deep in the earth, changing the green of summer to the fire of autumn, to the flaming reds, oranges, and golds. We are returning to the dark from whence we came. The Goddess is radiant as Harvest Queen, and the God finally dies with his gift of pure love with the cutting of the last grain. He will descend into the underworld, his last day on earth will be Samhain, when a gate will open between our world and the underworld. We enjoy the abundance of fruit and vegetables at this time. We should adorn our altars with pumpkins, nuts, corn, wheat, squash, fruits, and other seasonal fair, and any falling leaves or acorns we may find to honor the season and to thank the God and Goddess for the wealth of harvest bestowed upon us.

Mabon is also a transition for the Triple Goddess as she goes from her mother phase to her crone phase; her final phase from her journey of the year.

The Fall Equinox is a time of balance, of both light and dark. It is a time to look within ourselves and balance our thoughts and emotions, and find balance in our lives. To embrace our dark and our light, as one cannot exist without the other. It is when we stop and relax and enjoy the fruits of our personal harvests, whether they be from toiling in our gardens, working at our jobs, raising our families, or just coping with the hustle and bustle of everyday life.

Mabon reminds us of the cycle of life, death, and rebirth. As we go into the dark half of the year, we also know that Spring and Summer will be upon us again.

Hoof and Horn, Hoof and Horn
All that dies shall be reborn
Corn and Grain, Corn and Grain
All that falls shall rise again

May your Mabon be memorable & your hearts and spirits be filled to overflowing.

Written & photo credit goes to: Wicca Teachings

Edited by: Lisa Marino

The Official Rules Of Lisa: Part One

Miss Poison Honesty, Life, Musings, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Writing , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

fuckoff

Prior to the full moon, people are often lining up to start fights with me. If they aren’t outright starting fights (By the way, if you do attempt to start a fight via text message, e-mail, or Facebook messenger, you’re nothing more than a punk ass bitch.), they are rude, combative, or just plain bitchy. I don’t have time for that level of crap and I have even less time for drama, so I’ve made a list of official rules for people to understand my basically non-existent tolerance levels.

  • I am NOT a morning person. If you want to be met with sugary cheerfulness or anything more than a grunt or a mild “Good Morning.”, I am NOT your girl. Go to a bakery for the sugar. Come back around 5:00 PM when I am usually quite civilized.
  • When I have a migraine and you make any kind of noise within a half-foot radius of me, I have contemplated killing you and/or throwing heavy objects in your general direction. Blasting music or the radio at decibel levels that match a whale (Google it.), vacuuming, slamming doors, raising your voice, cooking or preparing anything with a strong smell, fucking with the temperature so I can’t breathe, etc., is pushing my buttons. Every single sound is like a freight train moving through my skull (Even my cats’ purrs nauseate me, and I LOVE them to bits.) and you’re not helping matters. I may not have killed you yet, but I’m thinking about it long and hard. I’ve already prepared my insanity plea.
  • When I am in physical agony due to a Fibromyalgia flare-up, which, much like a migraine, is completely out of my control, please don’t ask me how my day was when you can see the pain etched on my face. If I have managed to get out of bed and cook a meal, realize the gift that is and don’t yap at me. Take insane demands somewhere else until I am no longer suffering the effects of brain fog and can lance you with the truth, as opposed to your version of the truth.
  • I internally laugh out loud (Okay, I cackle with laughter.) when people offer to cook for me. Honestly! Order a pizza because I am silently judging you for not being as good a cook as I am. Yes, this might make me a terrible person (I don’t care if it does, really. Hell and I are well acquainted and Lucifer has an iron-clad restraining order.), but I hate eating things I can’t taste or that have questionable ingredients in them. It drives me insane. It’s nice of you to offer, but let’s not joke about serious matters. #FoodieThatCooks
  • If I am having difficulties sleeping, do we really need to point out the obvious? No, we do not. Insomnia is not a choice. Keep it moving.
  • I am direct and honest about what I suffer from and to what extent. Don’t ever question it. It’s not on the table for discussion, EVER. I’d never question someone saying they weren’t feeling well because quite frankly, it’s fucking rude. I’ve never said “It’s just laryngitis. You’re fine.” or “It’s just a cold, get over yourself.”
  • I’ve NEVER used a migraine as an excuse to not do something. I have NEVER used Fibromyalgia as an excuse not to do something. Are they legitimate reasons I cannot function a great deal of the time? Yes, but they are not “excuses”. If you insinuate such, there is something fundamentally wrong with you. Live in my shoes for six months, suffer this pain every single day, and we’ll see who’s making excuses then, okay?
  • Precisely WHO do you think you’re screwing with?!
  • Sometimes people develop verbal diarrhea. Bottled up craziness comes flying out of their mouth, as you watch on in morbid disbelief. You’re not sure whether to get a hose and clean them off or to just let them spew like a psychopath. If you behave this way around me and I walk away, you’re not “winning the argument”, because there isn’t one. I’m not “hiding from you”, either. I am choosing to be the adult and walk away until you have showered away your psychosis because murder is still illegal in this country and orange is NOT the new black.
  • Interestingly enough, the people who tend to behave like this are also the same people who never hear the crap they say to you. They are “perfect”, “innocent”, and “absolute angels”; according to them. They’re full of kindness and compassion. They’re full of something all right, but it’s neither kindness nor compassion. Save your raging vitriol for therapy because I will not accept that kind of treatment. I don’t care who you think you are.
  • One of my official rules is that I am supremely loyal, until you do something to terminate that loyalty. If you’re talking about me behind my back, verbalizing issues you have regarding me without speaking to me first (Venting is one thing, but NOT when it gets back to me.), or you’ve gone as far as to put those words in print, thinking I won’t find out about it; THINK AGAIN. The CIA’s got NOTHING on a Scorpio woman. I have ways of finding things out that will downright terrify you.
  • Don’t say things you cannot take back. I’m listening, and there are a lot of things I will NEVER be able to un-hear because they’re unforgivable. In the heat of the moment we have all said something unpleasant, rude, or wrong to someone else, usually a loved one. One of the things I respect about myself is my ability to apologize when I hear how I sound, which is usually quickly. If you cannot accept an apology, which is a basic human response that says “Hey, I’m not perfect either.”, then there’s something wrong with you. #1- We’re not all psychotically obsessive compulsive about the small stuff and #2- You have no right to judge me unless you are 1000% flawless. No one is, not a single living being on this planet, so accept the apology like a human-being. You’re not a flawless diamond, and neither am I.
  • Being truly genuine is rare, but it’s precisely how I am. I don’t need a pat on the back for doing something nice, or for doing the right thing(s). I simply do them. If you are keeping score, doing something nice only to throw it back in someone’s face at a later date, or anything else that is blatantly disingenuous, then do everyone a favor and don’t do anything because it is immensely hurtful to have anyone try to keep score like that. If you’re heartless, by all means, keep on being heartless. It’s your prerogative. I’ll pray for you.
  • The world doesn’t revolve around you, or me.
  • If you are going to be fake, please don’t do it around me. I don’t have the time, patience, or the inclination to be phony. Life is short, and it’s getting shorter every minute.
  • If you’re angry about something, USE YOUR WORDS. Being violent (ie: Throwing things at people) and nasty (verbally) isn’t acceptable when you’re a toddler, so why should it be acceptable for an adult?
  • I do not forgive the unforgivable. I find that incredibly unhealthy. And I NEVER forget. That’s not stupid, that’s wisdom.
  • If you want respect, try giving it. It’s something that has to be earned.
  • My personality is different from pretty much anyone you’ve ever known; as it should be. Dry wit is not rude or sarcastic. If I’m being sarcastic, I’ll be the first to say so, but don’t assume that everything I think or say is sarcastic or rude. If you cannot appreciate my presence or sense of humor; by all means, fuck off.
  • I don’t have to be YOU in order to live my life. Once again, life is short. I’m seeking happiness, not another source of abuse.
  • Communicate. Appreciate. Validate. And stop being a bitch/asshole. It’s unattractive.

copyright © 2016 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Impatience, Resentment, and Jealousy

Quote Miss Poison Quotes , , , ,

“Impatience, resentment, and jealousy are obvious negative emotions that are more easily understood as toxic. However, the concept of want is more complicated and confusing. If your feelings of “wanting” are not disruptive to your inner-tranquility then they are likely healthy. However, excessive want is a form of desperation and a declaration of lack. Any aggressive lust lacks balance and is unwholesome and obstructive. Balance in life is the key to everything. You need to focus on more than just your wants. Everyone has wants, but you have to be smart to get what you want. It can be counter-intuitive and difficult to understand that in order to get anything, you must offer your value first — you must give. You must also create a space of sanity and security within yourself for your value and strategies to take root and grow. That space of sanity is called contentment and gratitude.” –Bryant McGill