Year: 2015

Tell Me The Truth; Was I Run Over By A Truck?!

Miss Poison Chronic Pain, Exhaustion, Fibromyalgia, Honesty, Migraines, Musings, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Work, Writing , , , , , , , , , ,

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Sleep issues, for now, seem to be on their way to looking up. I was in bed so early last night, I’m certain every 80+ year old Grandmother was still awake when my head hit the pillow. When sleeping is difficult, it’s good to go to bed the second you can no longer keep your eyes open. Mission accomplished. It was after 4:00 a.m. when I realized that I never bothered to turn the clocks ahead an hour, but in the grand scheme of things; no harm, no foul.

Somehow the downside of a full night’s rest is that I woke up feeling like a Mack Truck had run over me, backed up, and proceeded to go at it a second time. Everything from my neck down to about mid-thigh feels broken, bruised, damaged, and whatever words are worse than “sore” and “achy”. By Fibro flare standards, this is pretty standard. It was twenty degrees colder yesterday, and yet today, while the temperature is slightly under a balmy 50 degrees, my body is working against me. Even my hair hurts…that’s not okay.

Weekends are never as long as they should be. For at least a year, I’d like one continuous weekend. There are weekends where you get a lot of writing/editing done (read: work) , and others where you get to enjoy things that you might not normally get to do (Minds out of the gutter.).

I’m extremely displeased with where this weekend went, but considering how much I have on my mind and on my plate, figuratively speaking, I just have to do better this week in terms of properly managing time.

In the meantime, I’ve got a ton of work and research ahead of me this week. I look forward to none of it. I’m having a hard time being passionate about what I do because the daily pain is just too much. Normally I am speedy and efficient. Right now, I am slow and I find fault with every other word. No matter how much positivity I can manage, at the beginning and end of each day I am still in excruciating pain and it’s hard not to take issue with that.

Here’s hoping everyone’s week is bright, and full of potential. I’ll be okay with significant progress, love, support, and a lot less pain.

copyright © 2015 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

I Want You To Tell Me…

Quote Miss Poison Inspiration, Pieces Of Me, Quotes , , , ,

“I want you to tell me about every person you’ve ever been in love with. Tell me why you loved them, then tell me why they loved you. Tell me about a day in your life you didn’t think you’d live through. Tell me what the word “home” means to you and tell me in a way that I’ll know your mothers name just by the way you describe your bedroom when you were 8. See, I wanna know the first time you felt the weight of hate and if that day still trembles beneath your bones. Do you kiss your friends on the cheek? Do you think that anger is a sincere emotion or just the timid motion of a fragile heart trying to beat away its pain? See, I wanna know what you think of your first name. And if you often lie awake at night and imagine your mother’s joy when she spoke it for the very first time. I want you tell me all the ways you’ve been unkind. Tell me all the ways you’ve been cruel. Do you believe that Mary was really a virgin? Do you believe that Moses really parted the sea? And if you don’t believe in miracles, tell me, how would you explain the miracle of my life to me? And for all the times you’ve knelt before the temple of yourself, have the prayers you’ve asked come true? And if they didn’t, did you feel denied? And if you felt denied, denied by who[m]? I wanna know what you see when you look in the mirror on a day you’re feeling good. I wanna know what you see in the mirror on a day a day you’re feeling bad. I wanna know the first person who ever taught you your beauty could ever be reflected on a lousy piece of glass. If you ever reach enlightenment, will you remember how to laugh? Have you ever been a song? See, I wanna know more than what you do for a living. I wanna know how much of your life you spend just giving. And if you love yourself enough to also receive sometimes. I wanna know if you bleed sometimes through other people’s wounds. And if you dream sometimes that this life is just a balloon that if you wanted to you could pop—but you never would because you’d never want it to stop.” ―Andrea Gibson

Spring Forward

Miss Poison Exhaustion, Honesty, Musings, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Writing , , , , ,

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One of the most evil things we deal with each year is ‘Spring Forward’, where the clocks go ahead one hour. I’ve already been robbed of quality sleep for damn near a month, and this will only add to that. The birds are awake too damn early and my bedroom faces East, so what’s in my darkened room right this minute? The mother-fucking SUN. PURE EVIL.

If you’ve never heard me talk about how I am paler than most corpses (One of my best friends calls it “the beautiful Snow White complexion”. Everyone else asks if I’m sick and suggests I “get a tan”.), you know why the sun is such an issue for me. I probably wear more sunscreen than is considered normal, but when you’ve lost multiple family members to various forms of cancer, you really shouldn’t take any unnecessary chances with your skin. It’s one of those things that is with you for your entire life.  I am also highly photosensitive, so I avoid the sun and bright lights like the plague. I wear sunglasses at night because people’s headlights make me want to die, especially those attached to newer cars. I also avoid fake people, simply because they piss me off. 😛

Some people look forward to Spring, as a precursor to Summer. They look forward to being outside as often as possible, to flowers, gardening, etc. I do not, though I’d love a nice herb & veggie garden. Sadly, the green thumb went to a different relative. If I could find a climate where it was 65 degrees year-round, that is precisely where I would move. Once it’s below 40 degrees, I go into terrible Fibro flare. Once it goes over 70 degrees, I’m convinced I’m melting and I also flare up with ease. Extreme temperatures and I do not mesh well. It’s hard to believe I used to go out in single digits temperatures, or lower, with soaking wet hair all winter long. Times, they are changin’.

I had plans for today that suddenly went poof yesterday because a family member is sick (read: whining like a big fucking baby.) and apparently requires a round-the-clock nurse/maid because he is refusing to go to Urgent Care or the Emergency Room. I am LIVID that I got roped into this. Payback is a bitch, and he’d best be prepared for what I have in store because he waited until the very last minute, knowing full well I had places to be today. Yes, I can do most of these things another day, but that’s not the point. Sometimes you need “me time” to breathe and take care of yourself. Today was supposed to be that time for me, even if only for a few hours. I could attempt it tomorrow, but “Spring Forward” always screws with me badly for the first few weeks, so I don’t anticipate being able to get out early. On the plus side, one place IS open 24 hours, so if I really want to get those things done, I can still go, even if it’s later on in the day.

So now, on very little sleep, I’m off in search of something just slightly caffeinated (because I’ve already taken two Excedrin Tension Headache capsules and that’s enough to keep me awake for three days straight. Plus, I’ve mentioned my caffeine detox, right?) so I can have a little breakfast and watch Banshee. After that, I’m contemplating drowning myself (I’m KIDDING. The last thing I need is one more idiot taking my words and tone out of context!). In all seriousness, that probably can’t happen in the shower, but at the very least, it means I get privacy and silence for an hour or so. After I thoroughly Lysol the place to make sure his infectedness does not decide to hop on board. It might seem like overkill, but I really cannot afford to be any sicker than I already am. If I wasn’t mildly concerned, I would have already strangled him for waking me up with his coughing and kvetching. If I didn’t have real evidence of the illness, I’d think he was one of the greatest performance artists of all time, because the drama is off the charts.

Whatever your plans are today, I hope they’re the exact opposite of mine. Enjoy your weekend. Visit with friends, see a movie, read a great book, do something for YOU. If you’re miserable or feeling lonely, look into adopting a pet. They’re great company and will utterly ignore you just as completely as a person. However, they are often far superior in terms of company.

copyright © 2015 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.