Silence, Leaf Blowers, & Sunday Dinner

2015-11-082015-11-09 Miss Poison Migraines, Musings, Noise, November, Petty Garbage, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Things That Enrage Me, Thoughts, Toxic People, Writing Cooking, Migraines, Musings, November, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Psychotic Behavior, Silence, Sundays, Vile Neighbors, Who Does That?!, Writing

Waking up this morning, I had a plan. Thus far, that plan is at a standstill as I am still dealing with yesterday’s migraine. In turn, all I wanted was silence, in all its perfect glory. This, of course, is where the leaf blowers come in, and threaten to make me sicker.

After doing some mundane things earlier on in the day, the sound of three (I wish I were joking) leaf blowers on my property became unbearable. I was in the kitchen at the time doing some early prep for Sunday dinner, otherwise I might not have heard them in the back of the house, which is where I do most of my work.

I glanced out a window after a while because the noise was getting louder and closer, and there were no less than six people on my front lawn, three of whom had leaf blowers. I cannot tell you how annoyed I was, but I decided to let it go. If you can’t shoot people for being idiots, you might as well let them look like the idiots they truly are as they mind someone else’s business on a suburban street for all to see.

Yesterday my vile next door neighbor took it upon herself, as she does every Fall, to break out the leaf blower and blow every leaf off of her property onto mine. She blew them halfway to the middle of the front lawn, as if they magically got there on their own. Who does that, you ask? Someone not entirely sane.

She pretended she didn’t see me go to the mailbox before she started this nonsense, that I hadn’t answered a question when her husband stopped me to ask about my brother’s surgery, as he visited him in the hospital last week, and that she had not seen me Friday night when I came home from running errands. She was too busy gossiping, but believe me when I say her eyes are always on me and my business. As my brother would say “Don’t watch me, watch TV.”

Today, she did the same thing with the leaves, except this time she, her husband, and several other members of her family bagged the leaves up, because apparently they have nothing better to do on a Sunday morning. There are eighteen bags of leaves sitting at the end of my driveway, as if she did a good, neighborly thing out of some semblance of goodness that I can attest, does not exist. She put three bags in front of her driveway and the rest in front of mine, as if I am blind. She wants it to be obvious that she did it, but I’m smart enough to know her motives.

Don’t get me wrong, if this was a genuine move, I would be quite appreciative. I cannot afford to be an ungrateful bitch, and I’m not. However, she knew I was home. There were two cars in the driveway before she started and after she finished. There are several other houses on this street that could have used her brand of “assistance”. The neighbor next door lost her husband in April and is having a difficult time. I would think it would make a hell of a lot more sense to help her as she’s visibly struggling with such a severe loss, so believe me when I say this was far from genuine. If I were going to help someone, I would be doing the yard work for the other neighbor whose husband used to do to it for her and their family. That, at least, makes sense.

Here’s the issue, apart from my desperately needing quiet; This isn’t her house. If the leaves from my trees bother her, tough shit. They aren’t hurting anything or anyone, and there is no mandate in this township that says when or if you must bag up leaves or not. It is November, and it’s early November at that. The leaves can be bagged up for pick-up, if one chooses, well into mid-December. Generally the majority of mine get removed in early Spring because I’m not so OCD that it needs to be perfect. In fact, I’d prefer the chipmunks have leaves lying around in case they need them. Moreover, I have more important things to think about at the moment, and raking leaves is extremely low on the totem pole of thought. But hey, if she wants to waste over two hours, have at it. It will get colder, the wind will continue to blow, because hurricane season is not yet finished, and she’ll be back at it in a week or two weeks from now because both trees out front are FULL of leaves. They’re going to keep falling. It makes no sense to bag leaves up more than once, if one is going to do it at all.

Instead of treating me like a human-being that exists, she does this because the leaves bother her (God forbid a leaf get on her new car! The woman, I kid you not, threw a party to show her new car off to anyone and everyone, as if she hadn’t been driving a relatively new car before this. Did you just shake your head at the craziness of such a stunt? It’s very similar to driving around with the sale’s sticker on your car for months.), and what’s more, it bothers her that I do not say a word to her, not in English any way. I lack the ability to be polite to people once I’ve seen their true colors. I’m contemplating slipping a note under her husband’s windshield wiper when I go out tomorrow morning to thank him for bagging up the leaves, despite the fact that I know he wouldn’t do all that work on his own since he’s due for knee replacement surgery any day now. She thinks she’s being cute, but she has no idea who she’s screwing with. I should have taken video or photos, because if you’d seen the behavior as she barked orders at her minions, I mean family, you’d understand my reaction. I strongly suggest she see a doctor and get her medication adjusted.

Now that it is quieter, I am still hearing leaf blowers (and lawn mowers) throughout the neighborhood. It’s kind of like dogs that all bark in sync the second the mailman is on the street. If I knew where my ear plugs were, I might be able to quell some of the nausea the noise is inducing.

On the flip side, I LOVE preparing Sunday dinner, but since it’s just me (my brother won’t be eating solid food for quite some time and Case Study #2 is on his way to the airport.), I broke it up into three meals to prolong the culinary delights. I still have mushrooms to saute, some additional veggies to chop, and the centerpiece of it all to throw together. If I can get my stomach to settle down, dinner will be awesome and continue to be awesome for a few nights. 🙂

I have so many friends who don’t understand my love for cooking (My cousin once asked me how to make corn on the cob. I tried hard not to laugh as I explained the simplicity of it.), or who don’t cook at all, which is why I’m the one that feeds them when they visit, or when I visit them. Cooking is merely another art form I enjoy, it’s a skill set that not all people have. That doesn’t mean I don’t scoff when a friend of over 20 years happens to let me know that she’s learning how to cook for her husband. I had to explain that when cooking, you need to cleanse the palate in order to be able to taste what it is you are making and gauge the seasoning accordingly. When I received a giggly, moronic response, I rolled my eyes and have tried my level best to keep my mouth shut since. If you’re public with your stupidity, or you advertise it via social media, don’t expect me to pretend I didn’t just hear what you said. Don’t hand-feed the writer material!

And on that note my loves, I am off to the kitchen once more to put all of the finishing touches on one of my favorite meals. Buon appetito! 🙂

This Shouldn’t Have Happened

2015-08-242015-08-24 Miss Poison Animal Bites, Honesty, Musings, Poison In Lethal Doses, Writing Animal Bites, Children, Crazy Shit, Dogs, Honesty, Saturday Night, Vile Neighbors, What The Fuck Moments, Writing

Saturday evening was…eventful. And by ‘eventful’, I will say it involved my neighbor’s new dog (who she cannot control, keep on its leash, etc.), a neighbor down the street’s daughter, and the cops. In front of my house. I thought it was going to result in World War III based solely on the level of hostility and yelling that occurred before the police arrived.

The dog, heretofore to be referred to by her name, has been getting loose. I can’t say that I blame her. That woman can’t take care of herself, leave alone a dog!

Friday evening she got loose and was running through my yard trying to kill small animals. It took my idiot neighbor and her husband over 20 minutes as she sped through my yard, the yard next door to mine on the other side, and then proceeded across the street into two additional yards before they were finally able to get her back on her leash. Interestingly enough, no one called Animal Control. (I’m being facetious.)

Saturday night was an entirely different story. Maggie got loose for the umpteenth time and tore down the street where she bit another neighbor’s daughter before they were able to catch up with her. Instead of handling the situation like adults over 50, they left the child behind with a dog bite because to them, it was “no big deal”. UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE.

The father got in his truck and sped down the street, parking across the street from my house. Maggie was now on her leash being “walked” as if she’s well-behaved when the father got out and screamed at my utterly insane next door neighbor “Is that YOUR dog?!” Arguing ensued over his child’s welfare and she had the nerve to tell him it was “Just a scratch and NO BIG DEAL.” Additional words were said, she was blowing the entire situation off, and he flipped out and said “I’m calling the cops.” and proceeded to wait with a few of his younger children. That’s when other people started gathering. Welcome to the nosey neighbor society.

The father was furious, as undoubtedly any of us would be. When the police arrived (apparently the township is low-budget, they sent one officer, not two.), she immediately turns on her lying voice. I know it because I’ve lived here since before she moved in and I’ve heard her use it many times. She is one of the fakest people I have ever met. I knew she was lying before she even opened her mouth, but the priceless part was her waddling across the street to the police officer with her cell phone recording everything. Really? What is she going to use that for? YouTube? Was she expecting to be arrested? It was ludicrous, but I cannot do it justice because I was dying from the stupidity of it all.

The father had a very valid point; he wanted to make sure that Maggie was fully vaccinated and that his daughter did not need a rabies shot at the Emergency Room. He asked to see her papers (I can say that even my cats have these little rabies disks with their paperwork that prove they’ve been vaccinated) and she had NOTHING to produce, except a phone number for where Maggie had apparently been “fully vetted” (her words, not mine). Instead of the officer writing her a ticket, which I KNOW they LOVE to do, or fining her, which SHOULD have been done on the fucking spot, he simply says he will follow-up with the shelter and leaves. He didn’t even look at the bite wound or the dog, which I find utterly mind-blowing.

This was a child and I cannot abide by an animal tearing down the street and biting anyone. It’s unacceptable. Her father wouldn’t have lost it if it were truly “just a scratch” or if the situation had been properly handled as in, “Let’s call 911 and get someone to check you out, sweetie.” As a precaution. That’s the right thing to do. It’s the responsible thing to do. One of our neighbors is a vet, she could have looked at the bite and determined whether or not it didn’t look right or if it would be okay with at-home first aid.

Second, this is also a dog’s life. She’ll be a great dog for someone, but not them. The dog is as innocent as the child, but it is in the custody of the wrong people. In turn, I am personally going to wait to see if she gets loose again. If she does, I am going down to the police station myself and filing a report because they are the last people in the world that should be caring for a pet. They scream at her all the time, which explains why she runs from them and bolts for the gate the second their backs are turned, and neither of them is home to give her the attention she needs. None of the other dogs in this neighborhood are barking their heads off at three a.m., but she is and I often wonder if they’re putting her outside at night. The thought hurts my heart. It’s only been the last few days or so where I’ve seen her being taken for walks, before that, she was only allowed in the backyard where she’d incessantly be yelled at “No Maggie, NO!” every other second or where she’d follow them around like a really unintelligent animal. I suspect the walks, where she physically pulls her “owner” (and I use that terms so loosely, it’s not even funny) down the street, is because neither of them want to scoop dog poop off their sainted yard. Some people TRULY shouldn’t own animals because they have no idea how much responsibility it entails.

For many years I wanted a dog, but I had a moment where I sat down and saw how much work it would be and I made the decision to let that dog go to a family that would be able to give it more than I ever could. Maybe not in love, but in the day-to-day physical stuff that I simply cannot do any more. I could never give a dog a full life by confining it to a yard, not being able to walk it or take it to the dog park, etc. It would have been selfish and I’m many things, but selfish isn’t one of them.

So yeah, that was Saturday night. Just thinking about it gives me a headache.

Earl Grey Snow Day

2015-03-05 Miss Poison Cats, Honesty, Humor, Kittens, March, Musings, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Snow Cats, Earl Grey Tea, Full Moon, Humor, Kittens, Musings, Poison In Lethal Doses, Purim, Snow, Vile Neighbors, Writing

Hello everyone! I was terribly sick yesterday, so I apologize for not posting. Happy Purim & Happy Full Crow Moon. Believe me when I say, I won’t be able to see the moon tonight. The snow blind is murderous and the sky is so white, it’s creepy.

I’m recovering from a series of migraines that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Anyone who is lucky enough to have their migraines get better as they get older is truly blessed. I have doubts mine will cease completely without the use of a sledgehammer. Thankfully, three rounds of medication and my blood pressure lowering seems to have helped considerably. And yet, I’m too smart to fully trust that because they’re evil. Migraine sufferers know what I’m talking about.

Today is one of those snow days where the roads are so bad, all you can really do is shovel, get out the snowblower, and drink hot beverages while reading, working, or watching TV/listening to music. Earlier I discovered that my next door neighbor (I’ve mentioned them before. Everyone agreed that she’s an absolute psycho. Today, I strongly suspect her husband is off his rocker as well.) took it upon himself to “borrow” my snowblower. I wasn’t asked, so imagine the expression on my face when I saw him outside with a snowblower he doesn’t even know how to use. That thing cost me a LOT of money several years ago, so if he breaks it, I expect an immediate delivery of the purchase price because I truly don’t think what he did was cool. Who does that?! If you ask me, we’re fine, but if you help yourself, I take issue with it. I’m much more apt to help a person than they are, but I also don’t use someone else’s property or tools without asking. If it wasn’t snowing heavily, I might have gone outside and said something, but right now the point is moot. Suffice it to say, I am annoyed. When did manners go out of style?!

What did I learn about myself this morning? That I’m raising a disrespectful, unappreciative, rude cat. Sassy McSasserson (No, that’s not her real name.) bunny kicked me in the head when I gave her hugs and kisses to comfort her because snow is scary to her and she doesn’t like to see it. She spent a few hours trying to attack it as it fell, before getting bored. When I went to brush her later on (because she’d shedding almost as much hair as I do on a daily basis, perhaps more), she bit me, claws came out, and there was blood. I was NOT pleased. Now she’s under my bed attacking her sister, simply for existing. I am happy to say that Mini (Also, not her real name.) has emerged unscathed. As the smaller, younger of the two, she is normally the aggressor, but today she is far more interested in learning how to truly meow and steal all of my pens in systematic fashion, when not standing up at her full height to “attack” the birds that are trying to build their nests for Spring. How she expects to do that through glass, I do not know, but hey, you’ve got to let them figure this shit out on their own. Of course, if you’re me, you do so while responding to all said chirps and meows, so that they know you speak their language. It’s a great way to ensure that you don’t get returned to the shelter as the “inappropriate human”. I’ve caught Sassy over the past year or so staring at me and I suspect that Ms. Goldeneyes has been contemplating trading me in for a newer, fancier model. Feed, love, groom, keep them safe, make sure they’re healthy. If she thinks she can do better, I have news for her; they just don’t make them like me any more. Not only did they break the mold, but they beat the hell out of the mold maker too. (Yes, this used to make my mother laugh.) Shout out to Shay for that hilarious birthday card of old. This is the first time in a long time that it made me smile.

What else do I have to say? I’m not sure. It’s really just random silliness. Well, the last bit was, the rest was absolute seriousness.

Perhaps I should have another cup of tea. It’s decaf Earl Grey, but it’s my newest tea addiction.

Self-Control

2014-11-152014-11-16 Miss Poison Anger, Honesty, Musings, Poison In Lethal Doses, Writing Anger, Are You Kidding Me With This Shit?!, Honesty, Musings, Poison In Lethal Doses, Vile Neighbors, Writing

Like most people, I have neighbors. The ones in question bought their home over a year after I did and then did an extensive remodel to the interior because the previous owner had allowed her kids to punch holes in the walls, etc., so they didn’t move in until after it was finished. We were on friendly terms, until they pulled an utterly vile stunt on me this past Spring.

I’m a very direct person. If you have something to say to me, just say it. However, I’m dealing with assholes who prefer to smile in my face and go behind my back and file bogus complaints against me to the township. One day we’re friendly, but they’re acting very, VERY odd. I immediately know something is up. Intuition is a beautiful thing.

A few days later, I get a letter in the mail from my township with the accusatory complaint, complete with a nearly $2000 fine, if memory serves me correctly.

Long story short, I cleared everything up with the township. They were PISSED. They pull up to my home like they’re going to discover I’m the female Dexter Morgan and there are bodies in the back yard, or that my suburban home is actually a raging crack den, only to discover that there is no issue on site whatsoever. Six people came in three different cars, five of whom left after less than five minutes. They couldn’t run off fast enough, they had just brought out “experts” and had wasted precious time. The other stuck around to apologize for having to come out at all, but I understand that bizarre complaints (They filed THREE, all different, all completely heinous.) require being looked into. That’s not his fault, he’s just doing his job. Besides, he was perfectly polite and lovely to deal with from day one, until things were finally handled due to scheduling conflicts a few months later.

Fast forward to right this minute. I am working, as I usually do around this hour, when I hear the noise of a leaf blower. It’s driving me fucking crazy, so I go over to a window towards the front of my house to see who it is and how close they are to me physically because I can barely pull a cohesive thought out of my brain from the noise. I had already seen my one awesome neighbor out blowing leaves, and since he is the one that does all of my landscaping, I sort of assumed he had come across the street, as he normally does. It would have been annoying even still, but completely acceptable. I like him. Moreover, I respect him, and I don’t feel uncomfortable with him on my property. Unfortunately, I immediately notice that he is across the street washing his car, and my crazy next door neighbor is on my front lawn blowing all of the leaves off of her property ONTO MINE. Yeah.

After watching this for a while, and seeing that she’s blowing leaves further and further onto my property, where MY leaves already lay, I start silently contemplating the length of my prison sentence for braining her. Suddenly she looks up and notices that I’ve caught her in the act. She smiles, like we’re friends. I go off in search of my hammer, thinking it won’t be hard to find something a little more dangerous so she understands I’m actually serious.

I have not spoken a word to this woman since the end of March. I was pulling out of the driveway one day while she was coming home. She waved. It took everything in me not to press the automatic button for my window and tell her to go fuck herself. Instead, I said something extremely unflattering in Russian, to myself, and left.

Occasionally, I say hello to her husband and he says hello to me. All things taken into consideration, I am almost certain he is unaware that she filed those complaints. However, they’re married, so both of their names are attached. I don’t blame him, because he’s a puppet. And by puppet, I mean he’s outside, right now, bagging up the leaves she just blew to kingdom come, as she yells at him about the proper way to do said task. I don’t talk to men that way, unless it’s my brother, and that’s mostly because he’s only paying attention to 1/100th of a conversation at any given moment.

Not for a single fucking second do I think she is doing a kind deed. She’s got to know she’s in deep shit with me. Alas, not everyone has my I.Q., so maybe she DOES think she is doing a good deed. Is it wrong that I have half a mind to go outside and tell her she has three seconds to get off my property before I call the cops?

The last time I checked, my leaves are MY responsibility. When they are removed, they are generally done all in one shot. I still have to wait for the rest of the leaves to fall, and they haven’t, so why would I stand out in the bitter cold on a Saturday doing something that will have to be done again in a week or two? I wouldn’t.

How am I sure it’s not a genuine act of generosity? The woman is a shrew, and she’s anal retentive. She mows her lawn 2-3 times a week all Spring and Summer, like a psychopath. If you just did it Friday night, chances are, unless we had a lot of rain, it doesn’t need to be done again on Sunday morning. Simply put, my leaves annoy her. She has nothing better to do and she wants all the other neighbors to see that she’s tackling leaves from a tree that is 100% on my property, not on hers. Her trees are baby trees, they maybe have 100 leaves a piece to spare, if that. The big tree out front on my property probably has five figures worth of leaves, if not more. It’s enormous, I don’t doubt that’s a very strong possibility.

God help me, I want to hurt this woman. Not just for her evil deeds of this year, but for deigning to cross from her side of the fence to mine, where she is completely and utterly NOT welcome or invited. I have half a PMS mind to wait until next week while they are both at work and blow every single fucking leaf off of my property and dump them into her back yard. Yes, I’ve seriously considered this. Would I really do it? I think it depends on how much further she pushes my buttons today.

Why can’t she watch television or get a hobby that requires her to mind her own fucking business? And really, what sane person blows someone else’s leaves for nearly two hours?!

Author’s Note: I am the epitome of polite with impeccable manners, until you screw with me. If I cannot respect you, I cannot be nice to you.