Love

Rough Waters

Miss Poison Life, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Writing , , , , , , , ,

My brother was rushed into emergency surgery Saturday. I spent most of the day stressed out, upset, trying to reach him. Most of my text messages sounded frantic, but that’s precisely how I felt.

I already knew he was in the hospital, but I’m used to hearing from him semi-regularly, so when I go nearly 24 hours without contact, I do start to worry. A lot. Even when I’m mad at him, I still keep him apprised of things, and vice versa.

This past month I’ve learned a lot about the people in my life. I never knew my brother was “ride or die” for me until all this horrible shit happened where it affected us both as a family unit. People are placing limitations on something you give freely; love. That is the exact opposite of who I am and how I was raised to be. I refuse to allow other people’s interpretations of life, love, etc., change the core of who I am. All I can do is pray for them, because they seemingly need more help and healing than I do. 😦

My brother has endured a quadruple bypass, of which he’s still not fully recovered. He has been in and out of the hospital for months due to various complications and illness. The surgery on his wrist was a matter of life and death, and I am incredibly grateful to the OR nurse he met Friday evening who told him something wasn’t right with his wrist and that he needed to get to the ER pronto. She even recommended the hospital where she works, and that’s exactly where he went. Without question, her intervention saved his life because he thought it was something else and was simply going to take some Aleve for the pain and swelling. He would be dead if not for her speaking up in a public place and me yelling at him when he sent me photos of how bad it looked. I told him it looked really bad and that he needed to go the ER immediately. Who does he see up in entering the OR the following day? The very same nurse. She looked at him, trying to place his face, and finally said “Didn’t I see you a few hours ago?” There are Earth Angels out there and I am grateful to anyone who is looking out for my brother in such a manner.

Surgery #2 is tomorrow, with potential for a 3rd or even 4th operation as the week progresses. The surgeon told him, point-blank, that if he’d waited another day, he would have lost half of his arm to infection. Just hearing that this evening made me sick to my stomach. He’s attacking the infection to the best of his ability because he doesn’t want my brother to lose his hand and wrist.

I thank the hospital in Bucks County, PA that is taking such good care of him. I’m far more freaked out about this surgery than I was the heart surgery, because with his heart, they kept telling me he was young and his chances of survival were high. But with a superbug? It’s terrifying to hear “We don’t know how you got this or where it came from. All we can do is attack it with everything we’ve got, be proactive, and hope & pray for the best.”

So if you’re sitting and thinking about how rough your week is about to be, please keep my brother in your prayers. I’ve lost so much already. I cannot afford to lose my brother too.

copyright © 2016 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

brother-and-sister-keeper-tattoo

Deeply Emotional Goodbyes

Miss Poison Cats, Honesty, Life, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Writing , , , , , , ,

I apologize to all of you for not writing this weekend. I fully intended to complete a post yesterday, but I had to prioritize a horrible Fibro flare and today, despite one of the worst migraines in my life, I forced myself out the door with sunglasses practically glued to my face, on a 30+ minute trek to say my final goodbyes to OGK.

I had hoped there was something that could be done for him, but as I sat with him, I felt his body temperature getting lower and lower, which I know is a sign that a cat is rapidly declining health-wise. I’ve said goodbye to too many not to know the signs.

OGK was abandoned at some point in his cat life in a college town. If you’re a college student and have ever abandoned a cat to the streets upon the end of a semester or graduation, there is a special place in hell for people like you. Cats are a 10-25 year commitment. If you can’t make that commitment to an animal, get a fucking tank of goldfish, but do NOT get a cat and then leave it behind, or worse, move while the cat is taking a walk because you’re stupid enough to allow it to be an outdoor cat. If you’re halfway human, find a no-kill shelter and surrender it, but do NOT toss it out like garbage and abandon it; it is a living being. It probably loved you, if you weren’t a complete and utter douchebag! 

I am personally allergic to cats and proudly owned by two, whom I adopted as kittens. I will take allergy medicine, get shots, whatever it takes, to continue being their mother. There are no excuses. They know this. They know I love them. They know I would walk through fire for them. They are my cubs.

OGK was one of the rare, lucky ones who was rescued from near-death by a family member. It didn’t take him long to decide that he liked me, high praise for a cat that didn’t trust many people, and frightened easily in the early stages of his transition from street-cat to “Royal Highness”. I spent a full month in total, many years ago, teaching him to “own his property” and be the “man of the house”. Every time I saw him, he gained more confidence. It was much like watching a flower blossom.

OGK and I had our differences. He liked to wake me the second I fell asleep (Not good for my Fibro and worse when I had migraines. I have NO patience, and he tested me regularly.), he liked to meow his displeasure at me, but when he needed me most, once in February and again today, he knew I’d be there for him 100%. He knew I could be trusted and that even though I often yelled at him for waking me and driving me insane in those early stages, that I did indeed love him. He understood that I wasn’t truly being mean, that we were just learning things about each other. He allowed me to comfort him when he needed it most. He allowed me to be his friend.

At roughly 3:30 PM EDT, OGK was put to sleep to end his suffering, and my G-d, he was absolutely NOT okay and to allow him to go on as sick as he was would have been evil. He was approximately sixteen years old. But above all, he was LOVED.

I will miss his teddy bear face and his soft ears. I will miss the times he purred just for me. I will miss star-gazing with him and watching the moon with him when it was just the two of us. I will miss saying goodnight to him, when I would whisper “Goodnight my little muffin man, Auntie loves you. Come and get me if you need anything.” I will also miss him keeping me company at times when I am certain I was only good company to a cat.

When I came home this afternoon I picked up my youngest cat and said “Promise me you won’t leave Mommy until you have to, okay?”

Hug and kiss those you love the most. Squeeze them tight. Nothing in life is guaranteed. Not even tomorrow.

SAM_1074
Rest In Peace my little muffin man. 2000-2016

copyright © 2016 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.