Writing
The Truth Is…
I am sick of it all. I am exhausted beyond measure. I feel emotionally shredded.
I’m tired of people trying to emulate me. I realize they lack vision, manners, and basic common sense. No matter what people say, we’re not all “born with it”.
Fibromyalgia pain is gutting me. There are too many days I cannot walk, and many more where I cannot function. And yet, I keep working my tail off.
I believe in empowering others, especially women.
I believe in loyalty, love, friendship, and being able to combine the three. I believe in being a devoted friend, no matter what. I don’t believe in keeping score. Life isn’t a hockey game and friends shouldn’t try to rack up points with one another.
I believe in being a good sister, but there are days even I have my limits.
I believe in being a good cousin, but again, I have my limits.
I believe in being a good niece.
I believe in being a good partner, but I don’t believe in being with someone because I am afraid of being alone. I’m not. I would rather be alone than be in a bad relationship. Hell, I’d rather read a book than be in a bad relationship!
I will always stand my ground. I will not waver in who and what I am. I am confident in the person I have become. I am not without my faults, but I’m well-aware of what they are. No one is perfect.
I believe in talking someone down off a ledge. Unfortunately, I can’t talk myself down off of mine.
I have faith, intelligence, strength, talent, and skills. And yet, where Fibromyalgia dwells, pain often tries to rob me of it all.
copyright © 2015 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
Freelance Doesn’t Mean Free
Some days, I am utterly appalled by the audacity of others. There is a fine line between offering to help someone as a form of empowering another woman, and then dealing with the opposite side of the coin where someone wants you to do a job, but then wants you to lower your rate.
When I work with someone for the first time on a novel length project, or something larger (like a trilogy), I respectfully ask for 30-50% up front as a down payment. This protects me if the person eventually backs out. If they do, I’ve at least gotten something for my hard work. When a person jumps on my schedule and then tells me the down payment is “too high” (By my standards, it was actually too low.), but already admitted she was going to pay a hell of a lot more to another editor who could not take her until the end of next month, it grates on my hard-working nerves. I don’t like being screwed with.
Just like everyone else, I have bills to pay. They come every month, like clockwork, and none of them are willing to negotiate with me. Sometimes, you don’t eat because someone wants to wait two weeks to pay you. It sucks.
I’ve discussed my philosophy before about hiring an editor and it still stands solid: COME TO PLAY. Expect to pay. Yes, you can “shop around” for someone less expensive, but inevitably, you do get what you pay for.
I cannot tell you how many times I’ve done thousands of dollars worth of work for little to no money. It’s terribly insulting to someone with 20 years of experience, but a job is a job. I will take a proofreading job if it will pay a bill or put food on the table. I will beta read for someone if that means I’m being paid. It’s not fun, but it is what it is.
I truly wish every aspiring writer knew how to use spell check, understood that commas are crucial, and didn’t have a negative attitude towards having to pay someone for WORK. Lets face facts, no one goes to work for free. You may love your job (I know a handful of people that do.), but ultimately you love your paycheck as well. Even a shitty paycheck can pay the rent/mortgage, pay for food, keep the lights on, etc. As a woman that has to do it all herself, I find myself less and less amused by the greed of others.
Alas, I’m simply venting. I have a migraine and because I’ve had terrible struggles with sleep of late, I know it will be a long time before my head hits the pillow. On the plus side, I have several hours all to myself tomorrow afternoon into the early evening. I am FINALLY going to change my hair color after saying I would do so for the past month. That might seem silly, but a company did send me a product to use and write reviews, and that’s one of the fun things about having a beauty blog on the side. I really think going back to that for a while and allowing myself to be creative would be beneficial to my health. I’m sure no one wants to read my bitching. God, please grant me the Serenity not to murder all of these idiots.
Here’s hoping tomorrow is a superior day for us all. 🙂
copyright © 2015 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
Write While The Heat Is In You…
A little inspiration for anyone who may be feeling “stuck” at the moment. This too shall pass, and it always does. 🙂
Soldiering On
credited to Ashley Graham
I’m a little bit better today. The stress of being overbooked was grating on every last nerve. Being sick didn’t help. At this point, I think it’s just the remnants of a cold. At least that’s what my allergies are telling me. I no longer feel like I need a constant influx of soup. In fact, nothing sounds good to me, but that’s because I’m utterly exhausted.
I’m going to take the next few days to rest. I am long over-do for some “me time”. I plan on doing as little as humanly possible, and then rewarding myself for so much work well done. After which, I will get started on the next job that I was booked for. Hopefully more will come in between now and the next few days. Obviously I want to be doing the work, but I’d also prefer never to have to read anything again that makes me feel as though my soul just died. Butchering the English language and then handing it to me as “potential for publishing” drives me insane. I don’t think it would bother me at all if this wasn’t something I’ve been doing damn near all of my life. Unfortunately, it does bother me. On the positive side, it makes me feel content about my own body of work and how well it’s put together.
There will always be an endless amount of competition out there for writers, but ultimately, I have to have faith in myself and know that my work is solid.
And so, I soldier on. I’ll spend the weekend looking for my Goddess of War attire (it’s highly possible that involves jeans and a profane t-shirt.).
copyright © 2015 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
If You Wait…
“If you wait for inspiration to write; you’re not a writer, you’re a waiter.” -Dan Poynter
Praying For Sleep
It is about four hours past the time my body said “Feed me!”. I have maniacally proofread and critiqued a novella until I thought I’d pull my own hair out of my head. I’m certain that high quality brain cells are now gone, never to be heard from again.
All day today I kept saying “I’ll be fine.”, but my head is telling me otherwise. Said head just forced me to take a Nyquil Liquid Gel. I will be drinking for the next 5 minutes to make sure it’s not sitting someplace odd, refusing to dissolve. I have no idea why pharmaceutical companies can make the tiniest birth control pills on the planet (Less than half the size of a Tic-Tac!), yet Nyquil has to be bigger than every vitamin I’ve ever taken. Explain that to me, please.
I am waiting for my infusion of soup. I threatened someone’s life kindly asked someone to pick some up for me, so I am hoping that it will arrive in a semi-hot state of being. All I want right now is soup…and my bed. God help me, this shit had better knock me out until tomorrow! Moreover, I do NOT want to be awake if and when the sun does rise (I didn’t check the weather forecast) because I am utterly sick of bright light. In fact, I might just have my soup in the dark.
I might even call in dead tomorrow. 😛
copyright © 2015 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
My Goal This Weekend
In all seriousness, being sick made this a long, drawn out week. It was only made better by lots of fluids, rest, and soup. I am nothing if not serious about soup. Unfortunately, whatever this virus is, it lulled me into a false sense of security because it’s a sadistic bastard. I was fine for a day or two, and then it came back stronger and took me out. I lost an entire day of work because I desperately needed medicine and rest. I’m taking a less powerful dose of the medicine now, but I am still achy and not feeling like myself, plus the medicine is working on my lungs big time. Quite frankly, I did not know they were so deeply involved. It’s disgusting, really. Moreover, should this be making my kidneys feels like they’re going to run off and leave me? I’m certain the answer is “No.”
“Starve a fever, feed a cold.” is not nonsense, it’s true. My appetite hasn’t once been off. Obviously, I can’t eat certain things at the moment, but everything I can eat is making a difference, or at least that’s what I am being led to believe.
All things taken into consideration, I think I was a rock star this week. Sick as a dog, but under deadline, I completed the big manuscript yesterday afternoon ahead of schedule. Unlike the previously aforementioned asshole client I alluded to days ago, this one was incredibly respectful and immediately gave me professional feedback. I address issues right away, I don’t slip them into something serious nearly two full months after the fact. Yes, it still pisses me off.
I have two additional, albeit smaller, manuscripts to get through by Friday and then another client would like me to take a look at a couple of chapters. Both of them are aware that I am sick and both of them told me “No rush at all, there’s no deadline for this.” In all fairness, that probably only makes me work harder because I take my contracts seriously. I’ll do my best, but I might give myself part of this weekend to stay in bed and (possibly) watch season 3 of Sons of Anarchy. Approximately thirteen hours of Charlie Hunnam… It’s all part of the healing process, folks. (That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!)
I’m tired, achy, unpleasant, and seriously contemplating breakfast. How badly do I want it? How much work is truly involved, and do I REALLY want to eat? The truth is, I’m hungry and I do want to eat, but knowing this involves some work on my part means I’m not running to the kitchen just yet.
Also, I am beyond saddened to learn that I will be unable to donate bone marrow because of the Fibromyalgia. I didn’t talk about this when I first found out earlier in the week because I was very upset and found myself in tears. One of my neighbors has been stricken with cancer. My first thought was “I can donate blood and get tested to see if I’m a match to donate bone marrow.” I lost my father to cancer when he was 63. He bravely battled various forms of cancer for 15 years before it took his life. I’ve lost many key family members to cancer, and hearing about this makes me ill to the core. I don’t feel that my neighbors’ children deserve to lose their father so young (I was both young enough, but still adult enough to handle it to the best of my ability without self-destructing.), so I am determined to do whatever I can to help. After days of research, I found out this morning that Fibro patients cannot donate at all. My brother CAN be tested and is more than willing to donate, but since I cannot, and feel like shit for it, the organization has suggested I put together a registry drive in my area to help bring about awareness and possibly save some lives. I will speak with them about this next week. I’m very upset that this is all that I can personally do, but I believe something MUST be done, so I am taking the initiative. If you live in the Northeast Philadelphia area, maybe you can volunteer or come out to the drive and get tested. I will provide a date and time as soon as I know more.
And now, back to your regularly scheduled Saturday. I hope everyone has a good one.
copyright © 2015 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
Written by LISA MARINO-Molchanova 