Author: Miss Poison

Emotional Support?

Miss Poison June, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Writing , , , , , , , , ,

At the beginning of last month, my world began to cave in on me. There’s nothing like finding yourself on a city street feeling confused, disoriented, and so stressed, you couldn’t even figure out where you were, or why. I was unsafe and needed to quickly get to safety. Once I did, my brain couldn’t catch up. I was able to communicate via text and written messages, but I couldn’t fully express the shape I was in, or how much help I needed, and still need. Even now, the realization shocks me.

The worst part was the following day; sitting early in the morning as my body and mind began to collapse in on each other. Shooting pains from head to toe. Swollen eyes, joints, and this excruciating non-stop pain in my body. I couldn’t be calm. I had a vicious migraines, a foggy mind, and I was scared. I reached a point where I couldn’t walk. Stress was beginning to break me. I kept thinking, “You’re going to have a heart attack or a stroke. You NEED your mind. You cannot let this happen.” And so, I decided to press pause and take care of myself. I needed rest, and I still do. When you are a survivor in fight mode, you do not know when to stop or slow down. Stopping means death. In this particular case, it genuinely was almost the end of my life from complete burn out. Even as I type this, I am not okay. Not even close.

Obviously, it’s been a difficult time. I had to set so much aside to try and heal. To truly rest my body and mind. I’m not quite there, yet. I am struggling daily; most especially with sleep, pain, and keeping my brain calm. 2023 has been one of the hardest years of my life, and that’s saying something considering all I have been through, thus far. This was not the kind of year I anticipated or planned for.

I wish I had been able to come here and say all of this. I told practically no one what I was going through, and that includes people I am extremely close to. I didn’t want to burden anyone with my pain, and to this day, I feel like the very concept of emotional support is laughable. I have never felt more alone, despite having people in my life who *might* be willing to help. Most people have their own shit to deal with, and they lack the ability to listen. They don’t want or need my problems on top of their own. No, that’s not martyrdom; this is what it’s like when you’re an unselfish person. You help others, but you never receive what you need in return because people look at you and fully believe that no natter what, you’ll be fine. I can’t tell you how many people say this at funerals. “I thought she was fine.” She wasn’t. She isn’t.

I would have written more this month if I had felt better. I don’t, and I have no idea what July has in store. For so many years, I posted daily in some capacity. This year is not a “daily” kind of year. I wish it were. I wish things felt normal. They don’t, because they aren’t anywhere near normal. I can only hope things will get better and normalize, with time. How much time? I have no idea. It is better to be honest, as opposed to pretending you have all the answers.

As Americans move into a holiday weekend, please aim for safety. It’s hard to feel good about the 4th of July as we watch important things be decimated, like affirmative action. We are just slightly over a year from Roe v. Wade being overturned, and a large amount of states standing behind it. Women trying to dictate to other women what we can do with our own bodies; it’s fucking disgusting. I’m proud to be from a state which chooses to give the Supreme Court a gigantic middle finger. and protects women’s rights.

More will happen. God only knows what, but it’s coming. The world is changing, and not necessarily in good ways. Remember to register to vote and do so accordingly. A lot of sycophants need to be removed from office via your vote. Others need to be voted in. I will be voting out hate, and voting in change. If you’re not sure where to start and would like more information for your state, please go to A Starting Point.

May July be a greater month for us all. Enjoy something, and thank you for sticking with me. Bright Blessings.

copyright © 2012-2023 by Lisa Marino-Molchanova & Poison In Lethal Doses, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Poison In Lethal Doses®™ is a registered trademark.

All The Messy Shit (At Least It’s Honest)

Miss Poison Honesty, Poison In Lethal Doses, Writing , , , , , , , , , , , ,

If you’ve wondered where I’ve been and what I’ve been up to, Instagram was probably a good place to start. I wasn’t posting too much of the personal journey, which is ongoing, but I was active enough to make a dent in this crazy world of balancing life with social media activity.

When it comes I writing, I have a few partially started pieces (and multiple manuscripts), but I didn’t get very far with anything because I’ve been distracted, sick, and trying to live. The living part is where things get tricky. The art of balancing means I’ve been close to hitting my head many times.

No matter what you may or may not be going through, it’s important to know who is on your side. Over the past year, I’ve watched my circle shrink to a dot. Nothing I say here is anything I will not, or have not, said to someone’s face. Establishing hardcore boundaries showed me who was going to ride things out with me, and who wasn’t. I’m okay. I’m mentally prepared to cut off family members, empty friendships, and anything and anyone who is unhealthy or toxic. People are going to be surprised, but I am ready for this next chapter. My patience is gone. My temper is at an all-time high. I am never one hundred percent sure what is going to come out of my mouth, and I’ve been super honest about this.

Part of my silence here is because my life is changing and for a long time, I felt like I was losing my identity. It felt as though someone had erased my accomplishments, wiped things clean, and took me along with them. It is a horrible feeling. I’m struggling, and I have exactly two people who are aware of what is going on. It feels like a burden; a two person support system. It makes me even angrier, because I listen to everyone with a genuine heart. I answer texts and e-mails. I take calls, even when I would prefer not to. I’m hurting, and that’s actually kind of dangerous because I am dealing with so much narcissistic selfishness that it’s borderline unfathomable, and I do not use this expression lightly.

I wear many hats and titles, some more important than others, but as a writer, you never want to lose your purpose for speaking up and speaking out. You will have occasional ups and downs, because that is life in a nutshell, but lifting yourself back up into your role, and your gift, well, it’s been difficult for me. It is important to talk about it, to address it, and to remember you only compete against yourself. No one else on this planet has what I have to offer. There’s a reason for everyone’s unique perspective. It is a Divine gift.

Someone suggested I put one word in front of the other, and just keep going. They weren’t in the same room with me when they said this, or I would have tossed them out the closest window. It came off so dismissive. Two days later, I had someone else be even more dismissive with me, and I returned from that interaction sick as a dog.

Covid has taught me that I am actually sickened by people in all kinds of situations, large or small, and would prefer to keep things as small and as private as humanly possible. Some things are too damn precious to share. I am adjusting to this knowledge, while honoring my very real feelings on this matter.

When everything is “officially” reopened next month, I will still be taking precautions. I am going to prioritize my safety, and the safety of my family. I am going to put my mental and emotional health first. I am not going to jump into anything, because the cast iron skillet isn’t ever safe. It’s not about fear or paranoia; it’s about common sense. The world has changed. So have I; for the better.

Life is chaotic and messy, but I’m looking forward towards all the beauty coming my way. I’m going to absorb all of it, privately. In peace. And yeah, I will write about things, because it’s what I do.

copyright © 2012-2023 by Lisa Marino & Poison In Lethal Doses, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

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