“Appreciate yourself and honor your soul.” –Unknown
Month: September 2016
Unless…
The Trouble With Chronic Pain
“The trouble with chronic pain is that it is so easy to become accustomed to it, both mentally and physically. At first it’s absolutely agonizing; it’s the only thing you think about, like a rock in your shoe that rubs your foot raw with every step. Then the constant rubbing, the pain and the limp all become part of the status quo, the occasional stabbing pain just a reminder. You are so set to endure, hunched against it – and when it starts to ease, you don’t really notice, until the absence washes over you like a balm.” ―Robert J. Wiersema
People Assume…
“People assume you aren’t sick unless they see the sickness on your skin, like scars forming a map of all the ways you’re hurting.
My heart is a prison of ‘Have you tried’s? Have you tried exercising? Have you tried eating better? Have you tried not being sad, not being sick? Have you tried being more like me?” Have you tried shutting up?!
Yes, I have tried. Yes, I am still trying, and yes, I am still sick.
Sometimes monsters are invisible, and sometimes demons attack you from the inside. Just because you cannot see the claws and the teeth does not mean they aren’t ripping through me. Pain does not need to be seen to be felt.
Telling me there is no problem won’t solve the problem.
This is not how miracles are born. This is not how sickness works.” ―Emm Roy
The Problem With Being Called ‘Strong’ For Not Expressing Your Pain
https://themighty.com/2016/09/why-its-ok-to-talk-about-your-pain-and-sadness/
Memo From Lisa: This is for every stupid, ignorant person who looks at me and thinks I am perfectly healthy and can do the things they want me to do with ease. It angers the hell out of me that you cannot see what I contain on the inside; that you don’t even bother to ask.
I haven’t been able to shake this unbearable spine pain. It’s been so horrific this week that I’ve been completely unable to function, except for small moments stolen thanks to herbal muscle relaxers that help calm me down for about an hour at a time here and there. I’m not sleeping well, my stomach is constantly ill, my entire skull hurts so bad from constant migraines, and I wake up each morning feeling like I’ve lost a battle and need to go back to bed, for the exhaustion and weakness knock me on my ass.
I don’t trust anyone to discuss the pain with them on a deeper level. The only people who understand are those who also suffer to this extent; they’re the only people who will agree that this is barbaric torture and that the ignorance of others makes it worse.
I keep my mouth shut a lot these days, as I tackle spine pain and migraines on a constant loop. I pray for my death. I pray for the pain to stop. I pray to be hit by a fucking car when I walk outside, and it took about a week for me to be able to walk properly after my spine popped almost two weeks ago. But yesterday; I lost it. I’ve spent this entire week unable to do things I planned. The pain has been overwhelming. I’ve spent my days in agony, in tears, suffering. Alone. Not a single person has asked if I’m all right, or if I need anything. If someone offers to help me, their price is too high to accept the help. In my eyes, that’s not “help”. That’s not love or support. There are other words for it, but today, I cannot articulate much.
When I woke up this morning, I was met with something that left me feeling downright murderous. Once again; I am faced with arrogance and ignorance, and the knowledge that I have been lied to for the past six years. There’s a special place in hell for people who think I can stand on my feet for 8-10 hours each day, and believe that I wouldn’t kill to have my former life back. Instead of being compassionate, empathetic, and supportive, they are vicious, cruel, and selfish. My best interests aren’t being prioritized. Don’t pretend to love anyone when you don’t know the meaning of the word, and don’t EVER think that “tough love” will cure what I suffer from. This is not the flu or an insect bite. Live with my pain for a year and then tell me how healthy I am. You’re not strong enough to go through the pain I battle daily.
From here on out, I’m not going to hold back. I am going to let it be known precisely how much pain I am in. Instead of fighting the urge to scream every night, I am going to be loud enough to be heard two towns away. Today, I’m on the Chronic Pain scale that, personally, I feel requires hospitalization. I cannot sit, stand, lie in bed, or move around too much, which sucks because my body desperately needs rest and to be calm. I always hope that tomorrow will be a better day, but I am genuinely afraid that the progression of my pain has reached my physical max in terms of tolerance levels. I want OUT.
I applaud Morgan for writing about this and pray a cure and/or relief finds her soon.
Fall Equinox
Today is the Fall Equinox, when night and day are exactly at equal length. It is also one of the eight Pagan Sabbats called Mabon. It is named after the God Mabon. He is the Child of Light and the son of the Earth Mother Goddess, Modron.
Mabon is mainly a harvest festival, it is the last harvest before winter comes. In old times it would be a time to start stocking up on fruit, wheat, corn, and grain for the winter months ahead.
This is a time of transformation. The great wheel has turned as we pass into a new season and say goodbye to Summer. Earth is going through a major shift where darkness will now start to take over light as the nights get longer and days get shorter. Cold will start to take over warmth and death will start to take over life. Plants will wilt and trees will start to lose their leaves, fields will become baron and grey. Wild animals will begin to gather food for the winter months before going into hibernation.
Mabon is a time of thanksgiving. We thank the God and Goddess for all that we have and thank them for the harvest. The sap of trees returns to their roots deep in the earth, changing the green of summer to the fire of autumn, to the flaming reds, oranges, and golds. We are returning to the dark from whence we came. The Goddess is radiant as Harvest Queen, and the God finally dies with his gift of pure love with the cutting of the last grain. He will descend into the underworld, his last day on earth will be Samhain, when a gate will open between our world and the underworld. We enjoy the abundance of fruit and vegetables at this time. We should adorn our altars with pumpkins, nuts, corn, wheat, squash, fruits, and other seasonal fair, and any falling leaves or acorns we may find to honor the season and to thank the God and Goddess for the wealth of harvest bestowed upon us.
Mabon is also a transition for the Triple Goddess as she goes from her mother phase to her crone phase; her final phase from her journey of the year.
The Fall Equinox is a time of balance, of both light and dark. It is a time to look within ourselves and balance our thoughts and emotions, and find balance in our lives. To embrace our dark and our light, as one cannot exist without the other. It is when we stop and relax and enjoy the fruits of our personal harvests, whether they be from toiling in our gardens, working at our jobs, raising our families, or just coping with the hustle and bustle of everyday life.
Mabon reminds us of the cycle of life, death, and rebirth. As we go into the dark half of the year, we also know that Spring and Summer will be upon us again.
Hoof and Horn, Hoof and Horn
All that dies shall be reborn
Corn and Grain, Corn and Grain
All that falls shall rise again
May your Mabon be memorable & your hearts and spirits be filled to overflowing.
Written & photo credit goes to: Wicca Teachings
Edited by: Lisa Marino
Written by LISA MARINO-Molchanova 