Tonight is a Blue Moon. A Blue Moon occurs when there are two Full Moons within the same month. This is the second Full Moon of January.
The name Blue Moon comes from an ancient word which is ‘belewe’, which means “to betray”, so Blue Moon translates out to Betrayer Moon. Monthly moon phases were each given names, as this helped farmers to prepare for various types of weather and crop rotations, so the extra Full Moon in a month would often confuse people, thus giving it the name Betrayer Moon.
Tonight’s Full Moon will also be a Supermoon. The Supermoon occurs when the moon is the closest to the earth, more so than any other time of the year, making it appear up to 30% bigger and brighter than usual. The Supermoon not only affects nature, such as the tides and wildlife, it also affects us. Our emotions will be heightened, our senses will be sharp, things that were hidden or in the shadows can now be seen.
A Supermoon amplifies the effects of a normal Full Moon. We will be feeling ultra sensitive and emotional at this time. We may find ourselves feeling strong emotions we don’t understand; happy and laughing one minute, teary and sad the next. We may experience weird and vivid dreams. Don’t worry; this will pass.
There was a Lunar Eclipse, known as a Blood Moon, in the early hours of this morning. The earths’ shadow covers the Moon making it turn a blood red giving it the name. These three events happening all together are very rare. It is a once in a lifetime event, the last time it happened was over one hundred and fifty years ago.
Tonight’s Full Moon is in the sign of Leo. There is so much happening in terms of once-in-a-lifetime type chances. It’s as if we are all on the edge of something so big and we have to make the decision to take the path we’ve always taken, or to jump into the territory of new possibilities.
This Full Moon in Leo is about celebrating our individuality, our little quirks that make us different from everybody else. Let your creativity come out. Do something a little different, dress a little differently, wear your hair a little differently, rebel against the norm. Take a walk on the weird side of life.
Our minds will be clear and uncluttered around now, we will be able to see things as they really are. We can take off our rose-colored glasses and take a good look at ourselves and the world around us as it is, not how we want it to be. This will also have us asking ourselves if we are happy with where we are and what we’re doing.
As amazing as this Moon will be, and necessary, it’s going to be one that challenges us on every single level. In the build up to this lunar event we may have been feeling restless, or have had an excess of nervous energy. Our pulses may have been racing, and it may have been harder for us to relax or fall asleep at night. Our spirits can sense that we are on the verge of something big, but it’s up to us to initiate change. We are on the threshold of having massive pieces of the puzzle collide.
There may be big changes or upsets in the status quo during the next several weeks. We may find ourselves acting in ways that only a few weeks ago we never thought possible, but Leo is lighting a fire inside of our hearts and daring us to break the boundaries that have held us back for far too long.
While we may feel anxious at all of the possible changes being presented to us, we need to know that the universe won’t bring us anything we aren’t ready for. The truth of it is there is no such thing as the perfect time, so now is as good a time as any.
Everything that we have been going through since the beginning of the year has been leading up to this Moon. It’s the time of infinite possibilities, of desires bubbling over and manifesting themselves in our lives in ways we never thought possible. No matter what has come in or out of our lives in the past few years, once in a while we are given the chance to have everything we’ve always wanted. We just have to make the choice now to not let it go. Because certain chances only come around once in a Blue Moon.
Tonight is the first New Moon of the year. A new moon, a new year, and a new you. This is the time to cast off 2016 once and for all and start our journey into 2017.
The January New Moon is one of the significant starting energies to the year ahead, and is going to help blow away the cobwebs of 2016.
As you have probably heard by now, 2016 was a year of endings, which means that 2017 is a year of new beginnings. This death and rebirth cycle is playing out in all of our lives in some way or another, and perhaps in the coming weeks you are going to start feeling the “rebirth” occurring. This rebirth energy won’t fully shift into gear until the Spring Equinox, however the January New Moon in Aquarius is definitely going to start setting the wheels in motion.
A new cycle is beginning for you. The Aquarius New Moon can empower you to move in a bold direction. You may break free from bad habits and relationships. You are no longer distracted by fear and doubt. You are ready to be who you were born to be. This is a time of great luck, so go out and try new things. Use this lucky time to grow businesses, start new jobs, go to interviews, find a new love. Often when things don’t feel good in our lives, we want to change everything all at once, but take small steps, just change one small thing at a time.
Our emotions will be high and confusing for the next few days, we may be feeling happy and overjoyed one minute, then sad and crying the next. You may have problems sleeping and you may have weird, vivid dreams. Our nerves may be on edge, and arguments and misunderstandings could flare up. But don’t worry, as this will pass soon. This is our body, mind, and spirit aligning.
If you start to see your challenges from a different perspective, you will see your challenges as opportunities for growth, they keep your life fresh and lively. Your life can be much freer than you may have realized. New opportunities will emerge. Believe in your dreams coming true. Believe when you wish upon a star. A star is probably shining on you right now. The New Moon is opening up a new pathway for you. Perhaps it was there all along and now your eyes are fully open.
This New Moon will strengthen the impact for change. It is setting the tone for the New Year. Don’t allow anything to hold back your dreams and desires. Listen to your intuition. We know intuition is your inner knowledge, so allow your Higher Self to guide you to new relationships and goals. Sudden unexpected opportunities can come to you from out of the blue at this time, seize them and make the most of any opportunity that comes your way.
There are new perspectives to be enjoyed now and this reminds us that no matter how far we may have strayed from where we want to be, we can always get back there as long as there is hope and the will to move and grow.
Aquarius is ruled by the element of Air, use the energy of this New Moon to allow the winds of change to come. 2017 is going to be an amazing and lucky year, so take this moment to enjoy the new vibration and the fresh start that this New Moon offers.
Have a Blessed New Moon and may the Goddess watch over you.
Tonight will be the first Full Moon of the year. It is called the Wolf Moon because at this time, hungry wolves would howl up to the big, bright January Moon outside towns and villages. It is also called the Cold Moon, Winter Moon, and the Old Moon.
The word January comes from the Roman name for this month. It was named after the God Janus, the God with two faces. This was the God of the past and future, beginnings and endings.
This Moon is a time of protection and strength for guarding ourselves. While it is the first Full Moon of the calendar year, in terms of nature it occurs in the middle of the cold winter, a season of death and desolation. In this respect, the Wolf Moon can be seen as a time of both beginnings and endings. We have said goodbye to the old year and are now looking toward the new year in front of us.
This is not a light and casual Full Moon. It is kicking off 2017 in a big way, with its prime focus on what needs to shift, change, transform, end, and be released in our lives. We can use this Full Moon to gain clarity on where we are holding on and what we need to let go of.
This Full Moon is in the sign of Cancer, which will give us great strength and courage to meet any new challenges coming our way.
This can be a loony, lunar peak. Standby for moments of irrationality or lashing out. Your emotions will be on high alert for a while so watch what you say to people in heated moments. Try to find some time to relax and calm down and to soothe frayed nerves. It may feel hard to make decisions at the moment, you may feel you’re being pulled in all directions, and are not sure which way to turn. Try to stay calm, and the right decisions will come to you.
The Cancer Moon is reminding you to use your feelings to guide your life. What you think and feel matters. Feelings are your indicators in every moment. Feelings don’t lie. Feelings are never right or wrong. Feelings are the best part of you. Your power lies in what you do with your feelings. Watch out for mental obsession; when we worry we focus on what we do not want. Wherever your mind goes, energy follows. Focus on what you want to happen, not on what you do not want to happen.
This Full Moon asks us to make a decision, we will feel at a crossroads; to stay with the old, familiar or to move into the unknown of something new. Try not to go to extremes, it is all about keeping balance. The waters of Cancer may seem stormy now, but they will calm and you will feel clarity and see everything for what it is. This may bring up crisis points, but also the potential for major realization. Breakthrough moments and inner or outer shifts in our personal lives, relationships, home/family situations, and career or life purpose.
We are looking at big changes coming this year, steer the changes in a positive direction. open yourself up and allow love, support, and happiness to enter you life.
Use the water element aspect of Cancer to wash away the old, stuck, negative energy and cleanse your spirit, allowing the waves of energy to heal you, both physically and emotionally. Sometimes, like a phoenix you have to die a little inside in order to be reborn and rise from the ashes a stronger and wiser you.
Have a blessed Full Moon, and may the Goddess watch over you.
Tonight will be the first Full Moon of the year. It is called the Wolf Moon because at this time hungry wolves would howl up to the big, bright January Moon outside of towns and villages. It is also called the Cold Moon, Winter Moon, and the Old Moon.
The word January comes from the Roman name for this month. It is named after the God, Janus, who was the God with two faces. This was the God of the past and future, beginnings and endings.
This Moon is a time of protection and strength for guarding ourselves. While it is the first Full Moon of the calendar year, in terms of nature it occurs in the middle of the cold, winter season; a season of death and desolation. In these respects, the Wolf Moon can be seen as a time of both beginnings and endings. We have said goodbye to the old year and are now looking toward the new year in front of us.
This is not a light and casual Full Moon. It is kicking off 2016 in a big way, with focus on what needs to shift, change, transform, end, and be released in our lives. We can use this Full Moon to gain clarity on where we are holding on and what we need to let go of.
This Full is in the sign of Leo, which will give us great strength a courage to meet any new challenges coming our way. This can be a loony lunar peak, so stand by for moments of irrationality or lashing out. Your emotions will be on high alert for a while, so watch what you say to people in heated moments. Try to find some time to relax and calm down and to soothe frayed nerves. It may feel hard to make decisions at the moment, as you may feel you’re being pulled in all directions and aren’t sure which way to turn. Try to stay calm and the right decisions will come to you.
The Leo Moon is reminding you to use your feelings to guide your life. What you think and feel matters. Feelings are powerful indicators in every moment. Feelings don’t lie. Feelings are never right or wrong. Feelings are the best part of you. Your power lies in what you do with your feelings. Watch out for mental obsession, when we worry that we focus on what we do not want. Wherever your mind goes, energy follows. Focus on what you want to happen, not on what you do not want to happen.
This Full Moon asks us to make a decision. We will feel as though we are at a crossroads; to stay with the old and familiar or to move into the unknown of something new. Try not to go to extremes, as it is all about keeping a balance. The waters may seem stormy now, but they will calm and you will feel a sense of clarity and see everything for what it is. This may bring up crisis points, but also the potential for major realization. “Aha moments” and inner or outer shifts in our personal lives, relationships, home/family situations, career, or life purpose. We are looking at big changes coming this year, steer these changes in a positive direction. Open yourself up and allow love, support, and happiness to enter your life.
Use the fire aspect of Leo to burn away the old, negative energy and cleanse your spirit, letting the flames heal you physically and emotionally. Sometimes, like a phoenix, you have to die a little inside in order to be reborn and rise from the ashes a stronger and wiser you.
Have a blessed Full Moon & may the Goddess watch over you.
I hope everyone had a prosperous, happy week and weekend. Me? Not so much. I’ve been plagued by migraines at a near non-stop pace. The warmth of last weekend (which wasn’t all that warm, really.) gave way to incredibly awful Fibromyalgia pain during the past week into this weekend. The cold has forced its way deep into my bones, as if dry ice resides there. A pleasant feeling it is not. I cycle back and forth between being too warm and suddenly feeling as if I’m dying from exposure. All of this is indoors, mind you. The ‘great outdoors’ is a whole other ballgame entirely. 😦
I was lucky to spend Friday morning in Boston with my Zia. I’d like to thank David’s Tea (They have locations in the U.S. & Canada. Do not hesitate to shop here for all kinds of tea-related happiness. I’ve included the link to their website which includes free shipping for purchases of $50 and up, as well as specials for clearance items.) for the yummy tea goodies to be enjoyed. Seriously folks, Banana.Nut.Bread.Tea. Those are four words I never thought I’d utter in a sentence, much less type. It is delicious, but my favorite, for now, is the Organic Earl Grey. They have three different types of this particular tea, if you’re so inclined. Also, the staff is particularly wonderful at the Washington Street location. An enormous shout-out to Falafel King for inducting me into an aspect of Judaism I had not yet embarked upon. I am obsessed. I’m also hard-pressed to stay away! 😀 Also, thank you to Ten Thousand Villages where, upon browsing, we came across Spicy Hot Cocoa. If you know anything about me, you know I am a chili pepper dark chocolate fanatic. Mexican hot chocolate is made with cayenne pepper and cinnamon, among many other delicious things you tend not to find in regular hot cocoa. It is unmatched in its fabulousness. I can’t wait to make it! Here’s hoping it’s as sinful as it should be. 😉
Saturday I spent some time in Swampscott, MA. I would have taken some photos, but other than low tide, there wasn’t much to see because the weather was atrocious. It was a grey, stormy morning with heavy rain and a period of slushy snow. Today I am grateful to be home in the warmth where I can recuperate, despite the 3-4 inches of snow that fell overnight. It was quite pretty until all the shoveling and plowing began. Now it’s only pretty in the backyard, though the wind isn’t helping. It’s bitter out there!
Due to the rough time I had on all levels last week, the stress of the past few months, my Boston-induced injuries that suddenly manifested as I was getting off the T (I’m in excruciating pain, so bear with me.), and something in my personal life that I can only constitute as a form of passive-aggressive abuse, I bring you my “Rules Of TheWeek”.
I have decided that many of these are rules for life. Some of this is merely where my head is at now, and other things are more about common sense and how others treat you. If someone reads this and doesn’t like what I’ve said, by all means; Please say something to me about it directly. Try any day that doesn’t end in a Y. That will be the day when you’re right and I am wrong.
1) I don’t care who a person is; If they’re yelling & screaming at you, or accusing you of insane shit you haven’t done; Walk away. It cuts down on the time you might have to spend in jail by staying put and opening your mouth in response…or worse.
It has never occurred to certain types of people that they are truly in the wrong, so let them rant and rave in their wrongness. When they finally realize they’re wrong (Eventually it may happen.), you will likely be blamed for it. You have big shoulders, you can handle the hypocrisy/stupidity.
2) No one has the right to question your pain or tell you that it inconveniences their life. They are NOT you, they are NOT suffering (Why isn’t stupidity painful? It should be.), they do not reside within your body, and quite frankly, they can jump off the nearest bridge and see if the landing is smooth.
3) If someone tells you that other people are in worse pain than you, it is more than okay to tell them off. In fact, it should be automatic. I nearly did tell someone off for it. I still might.
Realistically speaking: How the fuck does anyone know what my pain levels are? If it hasn’t been brought up in conversation then precisely how do they know that “other people are physically in more pain than you are” each day? Do they even hear what they say or how it is presented? And by the way, for the person that did say this to me: BITE ME, but please do so after living for a year in my body and then come back and tell me how other people are in more pain. Don’t denounce the pain you don’t experience. You do not have the right to that.
What I experience and endure could very easily happen to you. It is a life-sentence I would not wish on anyone, except Hitler, so please, don’t ever question how bad it is.
4) Just because someone says something in a blase’ tone of voice does not mean they are being disrespectful, rude, or sarcastic. It probably means they don’t feel good or feel burdened by their day/life/situation/physical pain, etc. Not everything in life requires a fireworks display in response.
People should know me by now. I don’t hide sarcasm beneath a flat tone of voice. I DELIVER. The way in which I say things is rarely, if ever, delivered in a tone of voice that denotes someone else’s perception. If I wanted to say something disrespectful and/or rude, I’d say it in a different tone than my normal speaking voice. I’m nothing if not a powerful speaker, and you can tell a lot by the tones I use, providing you a’re smart enough to realize something has shifted. Moreover, I’ve lost the ability to give a damn about how people interpret things. Buy a clue, stop being so anal-retentive, and realize that not everything I say or do revolves around you or has anything to do with you. Sometimes “Whatever.” really just means “Do what you want, I don’t have a preference.” Also, I don’t understand the double-standard of a person doing that to me, but disliking when I’m not feeling so great and say something similar. That’s not disrespectful. I am smart enough to know the difference.
5) When a person expresses extreme unhappiness, depression, and/or suicidal thoughts to you, it is NOT okay to act like that’s no big deal. NOTEVER. Don’t claim to love someone and then abandon them to their pain. I assure you, that is not love.
6) Do no harm, but take no shit.
7) It is a hell of a lot more powerful to destroy a person with words than to do so physically. I highly recommend the former, especially if, like me, you are gifted with words.
If you feel the urge to hit someone, it’s often better to hit back with the appropriate statement. If you’re a passive, non-confrontational sort, as so many people are, it’s okay to say how you feel in private and cut someone out of your life. It’s okay to write about it and get it out of your system. Don’t be afraid to rid yourself of the toxicity, and make no apologies for it.
8) Unfortunately, some people think they can say anything to you. They can’t. Their assumptions, presumptions, and idiocy need to be nipped in the bud. Much like the filter in a Brita pitcher, which needs to be replaced every 60 days, you might want to suggest they have their internal filter(s) checked regularly, lest they run into some form of ‘water-poisoning’.
9) Never disrespect the person that does the cooking. This is absolute. If you don’t like something and it doesn’t adversely effect your health, pretend to be deaf, dumb, and completely fucking blind, but by G-d, do NOT be rude and ungrateful. Also, call if you’re going to be late.
10) If you can’t say it to my face, you’re a fucking coward.
11) If you do say it to my face, be prepared for the outcome.
12) Don’t say shit in a text message or e-mail that you wouldn’t dare say to a person’s face. It’s cowardly, classless, childish, and a host of other things that just plain annoy me. If you’re going to show your true colors, I want to be able to see the vivid yellow stripe down your back.
13) Assumptions are the death of so much. They’re major relationship killers. Don’t assume things.
14) The people you may know who suffer from any chronic, debilitating illness and are on disability, privately wealthy, or work from home in some capacity are, in all likelihood, NOT “sitting at home all day watching TV”. Strictly speaking, I fall into the category of a disabled person who works from home, at least for now (the “work from home” part applies). If I’m “sitting”, it’s because I’m writing. I’m not “being lazy”. And NO, writing is not “some hobby I have”. Introduce me to the hobbyist writer who’s been doing it for 29 years. I have yet to meet one.
15) Curb the douchebag tendencies. Curb the bitchiness. There is always a better, clearer way to communicate.
16) Sometimes a person doesn’t hear you, usually for an extremely valid reason. That does not mean they aren’t listening. It is not a tragedy to repeat yourself.
In situations like this, I remember my Grandmother, an absolute saint of a woman, who would patiently have the same conversation with one of her best friends sometimes a dozen times a day once this friend was stricken with Alzheimer’s. Never once did she tell her “We just talked about this five minutes ago.” or ever let on that they’d spoken so many times about any particular topic. She would patiently and calmly repeat what she’d said in the previous conversation, reassure her, she was always kind, and when the phone rang again, sometimes a minute or two later, she would simply repeat the entire process, and continued to do so as often as necessary. She NEVER complained about it. They do not make them like her any more. 😦 It baffles me how long she’s been gone because I feel like I just spoke to her yesterday. I am glad our last words spoken were of love. There are so many people who could take a lesson in patience and grace from her.
17) Take moments each day to enjoy something. It might be your morning coffee/tea, a long walk, the sun, the moon, the crystal clear sky full of stars. Choose something each day and let that be yours.
18) People are not predominantly good. It’s a simple fact of life. Be discerning in those you allow around you because some energy is so toxic, it can physically make you ill. If you feel drained in a person’s presence, they are likely a psychic vampire. Google it, I can’t make this shit up.
19) Unless you legitimately suffer from multiple personalities, there’s no need to go from on to off a hundred times a day, or more. Pick a personality everyone likes and stick with it. Your mood swings, be they due to an illness or not, shouldn’t blow so hot and cold that a person could take a shower standing next to you. Perhaps a trip to the doctor is in order?
20) When in doubt, treat people the way you want to be treated. We all have bad habits and idiosyncrasies, but are we capable of coexisting? Yes.
21) If you’ve had a bad day, just say so. It’s easier to say you need/want space and don’t want to talk as opposed to thundering in on someone and being so unpleasant that they cannot stand to be in your presence.
22) If you cannot empathize with someone, I think it’s best to keep your fucking mouth shut, as opposed to judging when you’re completely not “in the know”. That pisses me off. Judging situations you aren’t privy to is a secondary mistake. You can’t apologize once the judgment has come out of your mouth or been put in some form of print. Well, maybe you can apologize to someone who’ll accept it, but I won’t.
23) Just because I’m an introvert does not mean I am a negative, unpleasant person. Some of the most talented people on the planet are introverts. A great deal of them are wonderful human beings. In the right setting with the right people, I am always an introverted extrovert, but I do not respond kindly to negative people or toxic energy. Please refer to #6.
24) Sometimes I am incredibly silent, but that doesn’t mean I’m not paying attention.
25) Random acts of kindness are important. Do things that you’d want done if it were you, your siblings, or your children/nieces/nephews in a bad situation. Prepare a meal for a homeless person or volunteer at a shelter. It might seem like a small thing, but to someone else, it’s HUGE.
26) Choose a charity and do what you can, even if it’s not a financial contribution. Delete Blood Cancer is looking for plasma, stem cell, and bone marrow donors. I cannot donate because I have Fibromyalgia (I still plan on doing an event as soon as I am settled into this new community.), but if you’re healthy and can get swabbed (they send you a kit in the mail), you could very well save a life, or multiple lives. I’ve included a link, and if that doesn’t feel right to you, choose something that does. We all have causes that are close to our hearts, or at the very least, we should.
27) Don’t sacrifice yourself for anything and everything. If you know a person would sacrifice for you, don’t take that, or them, for granted.
28) It’s okay to say no or to admit you don’t want to do something. Being honest isn’t a crime…yet.
29) Choose your friends wisely. I have friendships that have outlived marriages, relationships, other friendships, and endured serious illnesses, the arrival and loss of children and other family members, etc. Treat your circle with the same level of love and respect as the circle treats you. Check in with people when you haven’t heard from them. I have a few friends with whom I always check in on. Not because I have to, but because I want to. It means the world to them to get an e-mail or voicemail message because they know my heart and they know I am genuine in my concern and love for them. I wish I had people like that in my life who were as loyal and loved with some fierceness, but when they made me, they broke the mold and beat the hell out of the mold-maker. 😉
30) Do not harm, but take NO SHIT. (Because it bears repeating.)
Basically, no one is going to flog you for your imperfections, so go out there and BE YOU.
Tonight is the first New Moon of the year. A New Moon, a new year, and a new you. This is the time to cast off 2015 once and for all and start our journey into 2016.
The New Moon in Capricorn represents freedom and liberation. Liberate your mind first and your freedom will follow. Capricorn reminds you to follow the beat of your own drum. Be unique. Be original. Be who you really are. Take a walk on the weird side of life. You may find a part of yourself that has been begging for expression. This is the Capricorn New Moon’s message.
A new cycle is beginning for you. The Capricorn New Moon can empower you to move in a bold direction. You may break free from bad habits and relationships. You are no longer distracted by fear and doubt. You are ready to be who you were born to be. This is a time of great luck, so go out and try new things. Use this lucky time to grow businesses, start new jobs, go to interviews, or find a new love.
Change your mind, change your life. See your challenges from a different perspective, see your challenges as opportunities for growth, they will keep your life fresh and lively. Your life can be much freer than you may have realized. In this way, new opportunities will emerge for you. Believe in your dreams coming true. Believe when you wish upon a star your dreams can come true. The star is shining on you now. The New Moon is opening up a new path way for you. Perhaps it was there all along and now your eyes are open.
This New Moon will strengthen the impact for change. This is setting the tone for the New Year. Get out of your own way. Move out of your comfort zone. Make bold beginnings. Uranus is encouraging you to have a fresh start. Be innovative. Don’t allow the negative ego to hold back your dreams. Listen to your intuition. You intuition is your inner knowledge. Allow your Higher Self to guide you to new relationships and goals. Sudden unexpected opportunities can come to you from out of the blue.
There are new perspectives to be enjoyed now and this Moon reminds us that no matter how far we may have strayed from where we want to be we can always get back there as long as there is hope and the will to move and grow yourself.
Capricorn is ruled by the element of Earth, this is all about grounding yourself and making solid foundations on which to grow. This New Moon asks us to put emotions aside and look at ourselves and our lives with our head and not with the heart. We will be able to see things in a clear way now and look at ourselves and other aspects of our lives in a more honest and critical way. The new energy of the New Moon brings with it a visionary outlook, courage in the face of the unknown and a willingness to persevere as we step boldly and consciously into the new.
Have a Blessed New Moon and may the Goddess watch over you.
I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend and start to the year. Mine started off decently enough, migraines notwithstanding, and then I ended up in Urgent Care Saturday afternoon.
I legitimately thought I was having one of those days where putting contact lenses in simply wasn’t going to happen. Normally this only happens once in a while during the summer, but after having no problem with the first one, I proceeded as usual. The other lens caused excruciating pain I’ve never felt before (at least not in my eye) within 10-15 seconds of it going in. It took me roughly ten minutes to pry the lens out of my left eye by force, because the pain was unbelievable and the body’s immediate defense is to practically lock the top lid down, which only makes it worse. I was actually screaming as I tried to remove it, and both of my eyes were tearing. It was not a good moment for me and I’m glad no one was here because I scared the hell out of myself, G-d only knows how someone else might have reacted to my shrieking like a banshee. I tossed the lens immediately because I couldn’t see a tear or a micro-tear to have caused a problem, but I wasn’t about to fight with a thin piece of plastic, it’s just not worth it. When in doubt, throw it out.
Unfortunately after that, I was temporarily unable to see a damn thing out of that eye, which scared the crap out of me. My eye swelled up, was bright red, and I couldn’t open it until a few hours later. In some type of solidarity, my right eye also swelled up. Thankfully Urgent Care was quick, efficient, and verified that I have a scratched cornea beneath my pupil. I was pretty certain that’s what it was after deciding I likely hadn’t had a stroke (It was that scary, I’m not dramatic. Plus, women don’t always experience traditional stroke symptoms, so I had just cause to be concerned.). It takes a LOT for me to seek medical attention because, over time and through much negative experience, I’ve lost all respect for the medical field on a whole. I’m tired of being treated like crap all across the board, but when it comes to my vision, there’s no negotiation. I am grateful it is something simple that is treatable. I’ll be better later this week. In the meantime, I have a “fun” antibiotic gel to help it heal and to spice things up with some humor, my brother called yesterday afternoon to find out if they gave me an eye patch. I should have said “Yes, and I’m hoping to be an extra in the next Pirates of the Caribbean movie.”, but the question caught me off-guard and I momentarily thought he’d lost his marbles.
And so, I sit here stressed, sleep-deprived, contemplating writing a number of different things, with little energy to do much of anything. I have often said that anger fuels me to be a better person, and at times, it does, but this morning I discovered that the flip side of anger can easily poison the mind and make you hostile and bitter. I’m lethal enough on my own, I certainly don’t need anger to fuel rage or any other negative emotion. I am glad I was able to see it for myself, not allow my own brain to poison me, and did something productive by talking about what I am going to do to nip that thought process in the bud, because in all likelihood, it will continue to creep in and I’m trying to move forward, not take a giant leap back into muddy waters. I don’t like involving Western medicine to handle this sort of thing, but it’s technically the only option I have at the moment, so I’m going to give it a shot. I spoke with my doctor and he suggested cutting the pills in half so that I don’t get slammed by coma-like drowsiness. The second I caught myself “going to the dark side”, I grabbed the bottle out of the drawer and began cutting a few pills in half. Perhaps tonight, I will sleep like a regularly scheduled human-being, because between last night and today, sleep was a cute little joke waving to me from a billboard. 😦 I wasn’t the least bit amused.
The other day someone e-mailed me about Fibromyalgia surgery in Dublin, Ireland. No matter how much research I did, there was no information available about this so-called “surgery that stops the center of the pain”. If Fibromyalgia is triggered by something in the brain, wouldn’t that, in all likelihood, be some form of brain surgery?
What I did find in my research is a toxin draining program which makes little sense to me since flushing toxins out of the lymph nodes need not cost somewhere between $800-$1100. While it claims to have an 80% success rate within 8-12 weeks, people who have actually completed 12-18 weeks of the program in the desperate hope to come away pain-free experienced no difference in their pain levels at all, just a vast decrease in their bank account. 😦 I strongly urge people to be aware of things of this nature. Yes, every Fibro patient on the planet would probably eat bark every day for a month if it was guaranteed to cure them, but we often forget that there is currently no approved cure. There are treatments in the works, but there is currently no cure. When there is, there will be a collective sigh of relief from sufferers all over the world, but until that day, don’t fall for bullshit that is going to leave you broke. Research DIY ways of flushing toxins out of your system, if you so desire, but until you know 10-20 other people who’ve successfully received a treatment method, do what is right for you, not what others claim has a chance of helping. There’s a strong chance it will snow tonight, someplace, somewhere, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to wake up to a winter wonderland, or be healed.
If you love someone who sufferers from the debilitating disease that is Fibromyalgia, I assure you they’re not “being lazy” or “sitting around doing nothing”. They’re in real pain. They will tell you they’re okay and cry privately. My family sees me limping around, barely able to move much of the time despite the fact that I push myself so much these days, but often expect me to do things “like a normal, healthy person” because even after all these years, it still has not sunk in that I’m legitimately not well.
Everyone wants the athletic, healthy Lisa back, and so do I, but the more I have to hear about how I’m “ALWAYS sick”, the worse it makes the pain. Stress exacerbates Fibromyalgia. It’s important to leave your personal expectations on the side of a road, cover them with dirt, and look closely at your loved one’s face. No one should have to mask their pain, sensitivity to light and sound, or any other symptom in order to make you feel better about yourself. We’re suffering, don’t make it worse for us. And if you cannot stick it out, for whatever reason, be honest, and please let the door hit you where the Good Lord split you.
I meant to share this the other day, but it’s still early enough in the month/new year to share. I legitimately think it’s an awesome idea. I might have to hunt down a mason jar or something later on and see what I can toss in on a daily basis. It’s a wonderfully creative project to help anyone dwell on the positive as opposed to the negative, which is a place I openly admit to going more often than not. I especially think it’s good for anyone who needs to work on something that is goal oriented. I’d even be open to emptying the jar each month to go over accomplishments, etc. 🙂