Authenticity

Page After Page

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nobodycaresabout

In less than a month, I’ve written over 220,000 words. Does that sound like a lot? It is. To do it in such a short period of time is a testament to me pushing myself to write every single day, and not to give up when I’ve felt stuck. Even if I only managed one page on a bad day, I still parked my ass in front of the file and went over it, and over it, and over it. It’s called determination, with a healthy dose of bat-shit crazy thrown into the mix.

I’ve written, rewritten, proofed, edited, done additional rewrites, changed the direction up, added new characters, strengthened characters I liked, and here I am, still trying to figure out the true direction of the story. For the first time, I wrote something 100% unplanned. I let it haunt me for three months before I said “Let’s give it a try and see how it goes.” It’s become so much bigger than what I first thought, and I’ve found most of it incredibly easy to write.

The challenge in the work is getting in touch with things I’ve personally found difficult in my life. It’s been therapeutic to work it out on the screen in front of me and allow myself to be authentic within the confines of a fictional novel. Instead of saying “That’s decent, it’ll do.” (something I never say, I’m a perfectionist when it comes to my writing), I’m finding myself excited to get up each day and return to work.

During a radio interview Nora Roberts explained how she began writing under the pseudonym J.D. Robb. Her publisher had, and I’m paraphrasing here, told her to “get a hobby” because her books were selling so well. Instead of deciding to actually take that advice and learn something new or do something fun, she decided to channel it into writing something else. I remember hearing the interview and laughing, until I realized today that I’ve sort of done the same thing. Instead of staying in my comfortable world where I’m 100% writing the truth, I’ve opened a door into a new genre for myself, and have found it’s equally as comfortable, if not more so. If you had suggested this to me ten or even five years ago, I would have laughed in your face. Instead, I’m breaking personal records on what I can achieve. I feel proud of that.

I hate reading things that make me roll my eyes. I hate reading things that don’t feel realistic, to some degree. I also hate feeling like I’m writing the same shit a thousand other people are writing. It gets boring very quickly.

I hate timid characters. They annoy me. I hate the damsel-in-distress nonsense. This is the 21st century, and I don’t know a lot of weak women. Unless you’re writing a period piece set in a different century, lose the giggly, shy female that you’d either slap or kick if you were to meet her tomorrow. Let someone in junior high write that crap.

Some of what I’m writing touches on gender roles. What makes a woman truly strong? What makes a man the right person? What makes a couple work well together? How do you stay strong through difficulties, your own idiocy, lapses in judgment, etc. I prefer to focus on the humanity. What are our characters if not perfectly flawed human-beings?

I have come to realize that most of my female characters (some, not all) are a version of me. If Erika Girardi can be Erika Jayne, then I can channel aspects of who I am into characters, too. There’s nothing wrong with that. I find it incredibly empowering.

When writing male characters, I work hard at channeling the men I know. There is no such thing as the perfect person, but there is such a thing as “the right person for you”, regardless of gender. Several of my friends described me as their soul-mate, from a friendship perspective. I firmly believe we have multiple soul-mates in life that we meet at different times. Some are with us forever and others come and go, leaving their mark. That’s real life. I’m virtually incapable of writing something and not bringing real life to it.

So as I sit here this afternoon, struggling with a scene I feel is emotionally crucial to the story, I have to remind myself to just be real. Take a deep breath and push through. And when I feel like I can’t focus, then it’s time for a break, but I have to get it done. I have to finish it. Maybe not today, but as soon as I can.

Let’s face it; no one would believe I wrote it if it were emotionally false.

copyright © 2017 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

So Many People…

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“So many people cover-up things within themselves. They smile when they really need to frown. They “laugh” nervously when they are uneasy and uncomfortable. They try to make it “all right” so everything can be “perfect” and “fine.” We do this to be accepted. We do this because people guilt us into acting perfect. We fake perfection, so others don’t have to experience any unpleasant realities, because their life is just as fake as ours.

If some people came into contact with anything real, they would be shocked out of their minds. This phony life builds up inside of you until one day you erupt like a volcano, and you don’t know why. But, some people don’t explode, they implode. They fake perfect until they disappear forever and become someone else’s version of who they “should” be. Either way it’s a total loss of life. You are lost because you have not been honest with yourself, and your life is largely unexamined and unexerted. You have to do some thinking and know who you are, and then you have to resist compromising your truth for the comfort of others.

Don’t intentionally be rude, but be you. Some people will see you as an asshole because they don’t understand honesty, integrity, and honoring ones’ self. Witnessing honesty frightens some people because they haven’t known authenticity in their own life. But really, your abrasion is the rub they may need to open themselves or at least cause them to think. In a world of sleep-walkers, an awakened mind is a teacher and a catalyst for new awakenings, whether they want to be or not. A moment of truth is very powerful.

Instead of smiling to be polite, frown. Instead of laughing when you are nervous or uncomfortable, speak your truth. Instead of acting like everything is all right, proclaim it isn’t all right, and talk about your feelings! Honor your truth. Honor yourself. Be real. If you can honor yourself and be real about your discomfort and pain, then your happiness will be just as real. If you can’t be real and firm with others about who you really are, you will be doomed to a phony, plastic bullshit existence, where you only live for others. When you are real you can move through what ails you, instead of being stuck there forever in some sort of “Pleasantville” hell.” —Bryant McGill

After Midnight Musings

Miss Poison Artists, Creativity, Emotions, Freedom, Honesty, Intuition, Musings, Perception, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Right/Wrong, Space, Thinking, Thoughts, Wicca, Writers, Writing , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

yourlimits

Writers are a very different breed of artist. We create differently. We all have different “methods to our madness”, which, in my opinion, is a good thing.

I have friends from all different professional walks of life, but I am drawn to the creative, unique, and quirky. I am drawn to well thought out opinions, to creativity I would never have personally imagined, and to those that understand the deep nature of those of us who commit ink to paper.

People often expect me to be left-brained and all about logic because I come from a fact-based, opinionated background in my work. The truth is, I am predominantly right-brained. I know that if I make all of my decisions logically, I am putting tiny fragments of glass into my soul, constantly leaving open wounds. While making clear, concise decisions is important to me, I also trust my intuition to guide me in the right direction. It’s not about living a life of logic, or of heart-based decision, but a life entirely focused on my internal and external senses. It has yet to guide me in the wrong direction.

Not everyone believes in or understands extra-sensory perception, but I was raised to understand it, and I am trained to understand it, so to live a life where I ignore it isn’t going to fly with me. If my intuition tells me that a glass is going to spill and I walk away, I am going to be pissed when the glass spills because I ignored my own inner voice AND I have a mess to clean up that could have been avoided. That same inner voice is a bit of a guide-post. It can help save your life, and it can help you write something amazing. All you have to do is pay close enough attention.
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Recently it was brought to my attention that I am maybe “too venomous”. I’m not, but this was slightly enlightening to hear. Interestingly enough, only one person feels this way, and if anyone else does, please, by all means, start a club.

I promised myself that this platform would be 100% authentic in every single way. I promised myself that I wasn’t going to tone myself down, dumb myself down, edit my words, over-think anything, or be present “just to exist” and take up space. That’s not being true to who I am as a person, nor is it being true to who I am as a writer.

I absolutely refuse to edit my soul. Like most intelligent people, I know when to keep my mouth shut, I know when to back off, and I know when to stand up and speak. I am not passive or shy. I am a great observer, but I’m also not psycho-analyzing others for the sheer joy of it. If I’m taking the time to psycho-analyze something or someone, there is probably reason for it. I truly prefer to be an introverted extrovert and I am almost never bored because my brain is constantly creating. However, I’d rather be focused on what truly makes me happy, what truly inspires me, than be worrying about whether or not my words are being misconstrued.

So for future reference, if you think I’m “not nice”, you’re probably right. If I write something and it makes someone uncomfortable, then they don’t have to read it. I make avid use of the FOLLOW button too, and everyone has the right to read what they like, to read what inspires them, whatever is encouraging and supportive to them, basically, whatever helps nourish the creative soul.

When I have time, I read things. It might not be daily, but I do read your comments and I will almost always pay your blog a visit if you’ve left me several comments or liked a lot of my work. A lot of people are looking to connect with fellow writers and I think that is one of the best things about the writing community. We are a close-knit, quirky bunch. Some are very easy to get along with, others not so much, but it’s okay. We are all individuals, we all write what we write, and never should we feel the need to compete against one another or be negative because there is room for everyone.

Writing is about growth, it is about creativity, it is honest, refreshing, and a form of communication that I have always found to be quite freeing. If I can inspire someone else, or make them think outside the box, then I am proud to be able to do that. If I can encourage or support someone, then I absolutely will. I am not afraid to discuss the work of other writers or talk about books. In fact, I’m not afraid of much. However, I won’t ever be told by anyone to not be who I am, nor will I be told what to write. A friend once asked me not to be myself, and I am no longer friends with that person. Unless a person is hurting themselves or hurting others, they should be allowed to be who they are, and no one has the right to tell them they’re wrong simply for being themselves.

“An it harm none, do what ye will” are eight words that fulfill the Wiccan Rede. They are part of a moral compass, a guiding principle. What I perceive as harm might be different from what someone else perceives as harm, and the same holds true for many. There’s a difference between physical and emotional harm, I will not denounce either as harm. However, I do denounce perceived harm because that is open to interpretation. I cannot be held accountable for perception, and only I know my true intent.

Every single person perceives things differently. We do not all agree on every single thing in this world, nor would I ever expect us to. That is part of what makes the world go ‘round. Difference of opinion can bring us together or push us apart. I choose to always hold true to my beliefs, leaving room for change if I am somehow getting the impression that my feelings might be wrong on something. As human beings, we are all entitled to that. This is not a place for group-think, it is a place for individuality.

If nothing and nowhere else, allow this to be your place of freedom. It is, without question, without fail, one of mine.

copyright © 2014 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

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