Progress

Part of me wants to apologize for my distance, while the other part reminds me that I have been through a lot and I don’t owe anyone an explanation. I would like to believe most people understand that there’s always a reason for my lack of presence.

It’s hard to believe we are officially into Spring. These past two and a half years have been an enormous changing point for me, a challenge of mass proportions. I wish I felt it was entirely positive, but I know in my heart that certain changes are radical.

My life, prior to October 7th, no longer exists. A few people decided to disappear; people I never would have expected it from. New people are in my life, people I don’t have to explain anything to, and I am eternally grateful for this. I won’t lie; it’s hard to find out your friends of so long were never really your friends, and they secretly harbored hate for you, or actually believe a single human being deserved what happened on 10/7. As 2024 ended, I asked myself if I owed anyone an apology. The answer was NO. I stand by my decisions. It is okay to outgrow people and friendships. It is okay to let go. You can still fly, even with a slightly bent wing or two.

Most of what I intended to say here has changed since I first sat down to write this. I contemplated a complete rebrand, but the fact is; This is the brand I have established and owned for nearly my entire writing career. This brand, alongside Poison In Lethal Doses: Uncensored (Which I established in 2016, as part of Poison In Lethal Doses.), are part of an expansion to help all of this grow into something bigger, better, and smarter. It will have serious moments, but it will also showcase my sense of humor better. It’s hard to read tone, but when I talk, people get it. Unfortunately, some people misinterpret it, too. C’est la vie. I am not trying to please everyone. It’s virtually impossible, so why bother?

New information launched first to my IG Broadcast Channel, then to Buy Me A Coffee subscribers (Link is attached. The account is new-ish, and some membership spots are limited.), Patreon, and it is launched here as the final landing spot. The Broadcast Channel has a lot of audio updates, which are important. I would do them here, but haven’t yet delved into that aspect of the site. I have been busy and distracted. I am doing my best to refocus.

A new project came into my life last year, and if you’ve seen the notification from October, you know I am working on an important essay discussing and documenting what it’s like to be a Jewish woman in the diaspora. I had my project partner drop out earlier this year, without telling me, so I decided to go solo, which is what I do best. The second the stress of having to depend on another person to do their share was gone, the writing flowed smoothly, and I immediately knocked out an additional thousand words in less than an hour. I am currently eleven pages in, and I hope to get to thirty pages, or so. It is my story, a fully lived experience. The uncertainty, hate, rising antisemitism, unnecessary use of the word anti-Zionism, pogroms, attacks on every aspect of the Jewish community, and globalized threats are why it’s absolutely crucial for me to do this. For the first time in my entire career, I have the most supportive friends who can’t wait to see the finished product. No one is judging my place in the community, they are listening.

One thing I’ve been planning for the past few years has also been launched: My Etsy store. There you can find t-shirts, hats, sweatshirts, hoodies, what might be the best mug I’ve ever seen (It’s 20 ounces and heavy material. The packaging is no joke. When I opened it, I was over the moon at how stunning it came out. I had to pry it out of the box with more force than I thought necessary, and it was worth it. There are additional drink options there, as well. I am currently using the 32 ounce stainless steel water tumbler. I would buy this even if it didn’t have my logo on it. It keeps everything extremely cold. I woke up and half of the bottle was ice after eleven hours. I’ve never had anything maintain ice this well. I intentionally wanted to test it out to know it was this kind of quality, because I don’t want to promote junk. I love it!), and a nice selection of other items I’m genuinely proud of. Global shipping is offered. I handle nothing, except the original designs and customer service. Everything is made especially for you upon ordering, in your choice of colors, as applicable, and shipped to your door. I am constantly getting samples in, so if you have interest in any particular item or you have questions, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me there. It is linked below. Please read my listings carefully, as I am not in control of shipping charges (I personally order three items or more at a time to reduce shipping costs. I have communicated that I’d like the vendor to offer free shipping, whenever possible). I have tried to carefully choose items I felt were what I would want to see from someone like me. Most items are limited edition and will not be brought back. Inventory on certain things is extremely limited. The store intro explains that many colors are being discontinued, through no fault of my own. I will do my best to find alternative shades if you find something is unavailable.

Poison In Lethal Doses (your link is the front of the sentence) has always been important, and my logo represents a large part of what I stand for. The sword is also a pen. The ink well is Scorpion venom. Pen, sword, shield, and one of the single most deadly creatures on the planet. I intentionally chose the Gothic style lettering, because it always speaks to me. Poison In Lethal Doses, this phrase, has always been an analogy, but now it’s more. More me. More of the future. Powerful words, growth, forever changing, forever trying to be the absolute best version of myself I can be. I’m in my Red Era, and I have no time to second guess the past. It’s time to shoot forward. That’s what you’re going to see; evolution.

My goal is to make myself proud. Thank you for being on this journey with me. It has been a long time, and changes are necessary. I will be stepping into the most uncensored version of myself I’ve ever been. It is an important stepping stone. Again, thank you for being here. I appreciate your support, and always will.

“The pen is mightier than a sword, a gun, or any weapon that stands before it. At the end of the day, only one can win. Those who choose the pen know.” -Unknown

Sometimes, the most important thing I need is silence. Having finished that hellacious read-through, I am glad to be able to be done with it and be able to put it behind me. One of the most important things I have learned about reading a truly raw manuscript is that as a writer, I truly know what works and what doesn’t. This particular client seems to only want people to kiss his ass and tell him how fabulous his work is. I have to be honest. There were some well-written parts on the character end of things, but mostly I felt like someone had handed me half of a book, or maybe even a third of it, and said “What do you think of this? I want lots of feedback.” All I could think at the end was “What the fuck did I MISS here?!” I later learned he’d hired several other people to read different sections of the book, as opposed to hiring ONE person to read the entire book. Yeah, that’s more than half-assed to me, but whatever. Not my monkeys, not my circus.

Since that job came to a close, it’s given me some time to respond to e-mails and look over my own manuscript. I sat here earlier reading the first few chapters and was so immersed in the story, I forgot who’d written it. That is the mark of a great story teller. If I can completely forget it’s my own work, I have done something really special. I saved some extra bits I wrote, and exited the program with a smile on my face.

In a completely non-arrogant, non-cocky way, these past two jobs have shown me that I am not a hack. I’m experienced, I have talent, and I know how to put a story together. Yes, some people write their first book and totally knock it out of the park, and others write in different genres for YEARS before they ever write their first book. I think the most important thing is that I see who I am now, very clearly, and I’m proud of that person, that writer. I have grown. I’ve exceeded my own expectations, and that’s truly something special.

I look forward to what each job brings me in terms of self-awareness because I might be helping other writers polish their work, but what I’m really doing is shining my own diamond. I’m proud of book one, and I am proud of the progress I am making on the other books as well. The fact that a few months ago, I was questioning my own progress, education, experience, and writing ability seems so ridiculous to me.

No, I didn’t go to Harvard to “be a writer” (Harvard was NEVER my dream.), but I’m also not lacking in anything. Everyone’s journey is different, and that’s okay. People can criticize me, and they can say what they will, but at the beginning and end of each day, I know who I am.

I’m many things, but in the grand scheme of it all…I AM A WRITER. Color me discovered!