Off

I feel immensely “off” this week, and it’s only Tuesday. 😦 When I’m asleep by 8:30 on any given night, there’s generally a reason. Last night, it was a combination of exhaustion, pushing myself all day to remain awake on little-to-no sleep, being in pain, and it’s possible the heat had something to do with it, though it wasn’t intense, it was quite soul-sucking.

Today, upon waking around 1:45, I found myself feeling like an idiot. A little over five hours of sleep and I’m sitting here just before 6:00 a.m., feeling like a zombie. Going back to sleep isn’t a real option. I have work to do and while much of it is nauseating, boring, and as soul-sucking as the heat, it’s still gotta get done. I wish I had a clone of myself to do it all.

I’m grateful that my broken toe is feeling somewhat better. To make a long story short, I needed to get out of my head and breathe last week and that involved a three mile walk. Despite limping the day before (I have NO idea what I did or when I did it to cause the initial limping to begin. Normally I can say “Oh, I walked into this…” or “I slammed my foot into the staircase.”, but this time I legitimately have NO solid leads as to how I hurt myself.), I was determined to fight past it. I HAD to get out of the house and function like a normal person without negativity in my head. My personal stupidity was telling me “You’ll be outdoors in cool air, you’ll get some exercise, you’ll clear your head.” I did feel reasonably peaceful once I was out and walking, but limping up and down hill isn’t cute, nor is it fun. By the time I got back from my relatively short trek into nature, my right foot and ankle were already beginning to swell. I’d spend the next four and a half days with ice packs wrapped around the worst of it. It hurt SO bad that my left foot was starting to have sympathy pains, right up until the point where, at three a.m. on Monday, I walked right into a table leg with the same toe, to match the one on my right foot. So far, that one hasn’t given me any indication that it’s broken, so we’ll call it a bone bruise, as that’s likely what it is. I still can’t walk properly, but I’m continuing to do my best to get to the first stage of healing.

My “company” this weekend was deeply imbedded in the books I’m reading. I got back into “Bones Never Lie” by Kathy Reichs, a book I’d started when it first came out in 2014 and simply got too busy to read at the time, and her most recent book, “Speaking In Bones”, which I am almost done with. I’ve got a stack of other potentially interesting finds to read next, and when you’re injured or can’t sleep, it’s a perfect way to educate the brain and/or escape into a different world for a while. I was also able to burn six CD’s worth of music to my digital library, which makes me happy. Sometimes, it’s the small things that are huge for you in times of distress and/or pain.

My brother did make it out of the second operation okay, but the road to recovery is long and may result in some permanent nerve damage. If ever you suspect you have any kind of infection, there is an immense difference between 7:00 a.m. and 7:00 PM, and that difference could be your life, so please, don’t be as stubborn or as stupid as he (way too often) is.

I hope everyone has a pleasant day. I am off to edit something confusing. What else is new?