Happy 4th Birthday to my little Fire Star.
Month: March 2015
There Is Nothing To Prove
“There is nothing to prove and nothing to protect. I am who I am and it’s enough.” –Richard Rohr
Jumping The Gun
I feel jet-lagged and incapable of moving almost every muscle in my body today. I can’t truly afford to take the day off, but I have no choice. I am sitting here and my eyes are barely open, my brain is barely functioning, and yet, I know full well that I got a full night’s sleep. Have I mentioned that I HATE turning the clocks forward?! It is a crime against the body.
I’m in a little less pain than yesterday, but I suspect there’s something waiting around the bend. After all, Fibromyalgia loves nothing more than to lull you into a false sense of security in your body’s pain threshold before it knocks you back on your ass, unable to breathe. I went to bed last night in severe agony. I even looked in the mirror to make sure my spine wasn’t bruised. The never-ending grind on the body is tiresome and depressing. There are moments when you question whether or not you’re actually alive or if you’re simply living in a nightmare, unable to wake up. At any given moment, it’s truly a toss-up.
Not even caffeine can keep me awake, so I am going to close my eyes and allow myself the rest my body is screaming for, even though it makes me feel terrible about my place in this world. If you know someone who suffers from any form of daily pain, send them a kind word this week and let them know you’re praying for them, care about them, or that you are simply available to listen. Oftentimes, those are the things sufferers of any form of chronic pain need the most.
copyright © 2015 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
Giving Up At Something…
If only people understood this before ridiculing others.
Tell Me The Truth; Was I Run Over By A Truck?!
Sleep issues, for now, seem to be on their way to looking up. I was in bed so early last night, I’m certain every 80+ year old Grandmother was still awake when my head hit the pillow. When sleeping is difficult, it’s good to go to bed the second you can no longer keep your eyes open. Mission accomplished. It was after 4:00 a.m. when I realized that I never bothered to turn the clocks ahead an hour, but in the grand scheme of things; no harm, no foul.
Somehow the downside of a full night’s rest is that I woke up feeling like a Mack Truck had run over me, backed up, and proceeded to go at it a second time. Everything from my neck down to about mid-thigh feels broken, bruised, damaged, and whatever words are worse than “sore” and “achy”. By Fibro flare standards, this is pretty standard. It was twenty degrees colder yesterday, and yet today, while the temperature is slightly under a balmy 50 degrees, my body is working against me. Even my hair hurts…that’s not okay.
Weekends are never as long as they should be. For at least a year, I’d like one continuous weekend. There are weekends where you get a lot of writing/editing done (read: work) , and others where you get to enjoy things that you might not normally get to do (Minds out of the gutter.).
I’m extremely displeased with where this weekend went, but considering how much I have on my mind and on my plate, figuratively speaking, I just have to do better this week in terms of properly managing time.
In the meantime, I’ve got a ton of work and research ahead of me this week. I look forward to none of it. I’m having a hard time being passionate about what I do because the daily pain is just too much. Normally I am speedy and efficient. Right now, I am slow and I find fault with every other word. No matter how much positivity I can manage, at the beginning and end of each day I am still in excruciating pain and it’s hard not to take issue with that.
Here’s hoping everyone’s week is bright, and full of potential. I’ll be okay with significant progress, love, support, and a lot less pain.
copyright © 2015 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
I Want You To Tell Me…
“I want you to tell me about every person you’ve ever been in love with. Tell me why you loved them, then tell me why they loved you. Tell me about a day in your life you didn’t think you’d live through. Tell me what the word “home” means to you and tell me in a way that I’ll know your mothers name just by the way you describe your bedroom when you were 8. See, I wanna know the first time you felt the weight of hate and if that day still trembles beneath your bones. Do you kiss your friends on the cheek? Do you think that anger is a sincere emotion or just the timid motion of a fragile heart trying to beat away its pain? See, I wanna know what you think of your first name. And if you often lie awake at night and imagine your mother’s joy when she spoke it for the very first time. I want you tell me all the ways you’ve been unkind. Tell me all the ways you’ve been cruel. Do you believe that Mary was really a virgin? Do you believe that Moses really parted the sea? And if you don’t believe in miracles, tell me, how would you explain the miracle of my life to me? And for all the times you’ve knelt before the temple of yourself, have the prayers you’ve asked come true? And if they didn’t, did you feel denied? And if you felt denied, denied by who[m]? I wanna know what you see when you look in the mirror on a day you’re feeling good. I wanna know what you see in the mirror on a day a day you’re feeling bad. I wanna know the first person who ever taught you your beauty could ever be reflected on a lousy piece of glass. If you ever reach enlightenment, will you remember how to laugh? Have you ever been a song? See, I wanna know more than what you do for a living. I wanna know how much of your life you spend just giving. And if you love yourself enough to also receive sometimes. I wanna know if you bleed sometimes through other people’s wounds. And if you dream sometimes that this life is just a balloon that if you wanted to you could pop—but you never would because you’d never want it to stop.” ―Andrea Gibson
Written by LISA MARINO-Molchanova 