Writing
Soothing The Beast
Thank you to those that inquired about my health on Tuesday. I genuinely appreciate that. I was 100% better yesterday. Apart from a little achiness, it was surreal to physically feel nothing. These are very rare days indeed, but all I felt able to handle on an emotional level was some paperwork and phone calls, and submitting a proposal for another developmental editing job, something short to keep my brain active. There was something about an impending thunderstorm that was calming to me in some way.
The storm itself was lackluster, to say the least. A few rumbles of non-threatening thunder and a small amount of rain. Pssh! They call that a storm worthy of alarms going off on my phone?! I reached a point where I muted everything on the phone and spent hours listening to it buzz occasionally. I don’t know about all of you, but when the rain is overhead, it’s a safe bet I already know it’s there and I don’t require an alert that can seemingly pierce its way three houses down. Technology.
Today is a brand new day with a whole other set of issues. The pain came roaring back. I thought I was sleeping, but kitten was here, multiple times, to inform me that my presence was requested in the kitchen. She learned how to open the kitchen cabinets about two weeks ago, but apparently in her learning efforts, cans was not on the list. I fed her and walked over to cat, because she’s been acting strangely and I will not open a can of food for her until she’s standing in front of me to truly let me know she wants it. She walks away a lot and it has become wasteful, and tiresome. No, the little espresso bean was content to sit in front of the patio door and watch the birds and bunnies, she wasn’t interested in food or attention. She’ll come looking for me when she needs one or the other. This is the problem with having a picky animal that only wants to eat when she decides it’s time. Precisely who is in charge around here??
I have scoured the forecast and decided that tomorrow afternoon is better to run errands, it’s going to be too hot to think today. Granted, errands on a Friday aren’t the best idea in the world, that’s when almost everyone else has the same plan, but it’s the only idea I’ve got. Once the temperature drops tomorrow, it won’t be 90 degrees, it’ll be in the low 70’s and that’s something I can handle for a few hours.
The fact that Monday takes us into June is quite disturbing to me. This year is going by a lot quicker than expected… I supposed they always do, to some extent, but it’s still weird. I’m sure I’ll feel that way a year from now too.
Okay. I am off in search of breakfast and then I am committing myself to an hour or so with the manuscript from hell. I want it DONE, GONE, DELIVERED. If I look at it any longer, I am certain insanity will set in. Wish me good luck with the final 200 pages (I swear, it keeps growing!). The fact that 30 pages of notes, if not more, have been added, should tell you exactly what I’m working with here. Note to self: Raise your prices. Enough with this fairness bullshit!
Talk to you all soon. 🙂
copyright © 2015 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
If You Have A Sledgehammer
I woke up this morning in sheer agony. Have you ever experienced pain where you are almost certain there are knives in your back? Picture it for a second. Yeah, it’s not pretty and the concept that one can feel such pain without actually having gaping wounds is astounding to me. No one should have to experience this kind of pain, though I do have a short list of people who’d make the cut if God ever wanted to grant me such power. 😉
Sadly, the pain in my back/spine almost pales in comparison to the gut-wrenching stomach pain I am currently experiencing. I have no idea what’s causing it, which is always scary. The reason I’m not rushing to the emergency room right this very second is simple: I am 99% certain it will pass. I’m on a homeopathic remedy for some of the pain I am experiencing (I prefer things that work as opposed to things that mask the suffering.) and even though most people do not experience any stomach related symptoms from taking it, a few people have reported stomach pain or other stomach related issues as a side effect, so there is always the off-chance that it can happen. In turn, I need to wait it out.
Of course, it’s never that simple.
As I have been doing the “wait it out” period, I smacked my head into the edge of my door trying to snag a toy for kitten. I idiotically threw it over the door during our game of fetch and cat was blocking her path to predatory enjoyment. I wanted to retrieve it without disturbing cat, who was snoozing, but the second I smacked my head they both went flying down the stairs. No concern for me at all, they’re all about self-preservation in the suburbs. LOL. I’m pretty sure they’ll check on me later. You know, when food is involved.
Despite the three-day weekend, today still feels eerily like a Monday to me in its groggy irritability. There’s no amount of caffeine that can conquer that. These days, even with partially decent sleep and a slightly higher than normal caffeine ratio in my bloodstream, I am still ready to fall on the floor every night by 10:00 PM, if not earlier. Sometimes I manage to squeeze an extra hour or so out of myself, but I honestly cannot keep my eyes open once I reach that sleepy state where I’m actually slurring my words (No, alcohol is not involved.). Given any opportunity to close my eyes for 30 minutes, it is almost certain that I will fall asleep wherever I happen to be. The next time I am stuck on-line for 40 minutes at Walmart, I am going to ask for a pillow.
I hope that everyone had a wonderful weekend, wherever you may be, and that none of my readers are dealing with the aftermath of tornadoes or flooding.
I’m off to sit in the dark and be nauseous. Wish me luck.
copyright © 2015 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
The Moment Of Writing…
“The moment of writing is not an escape…it is only an insistence, through the imagination, upon human ecstasy, and a reminder that such ecstasy remains as much a birthright in this world as misery remains a condition of it.” ―Larry Levis
Talent Is Helpful…
I think talent is the most crucial thing to have as a writer, along with the ability to follow through.
Total Recall
Sometimes when you remember the worst days that have occurred throughout your life, the simple notion of recollection can make you deathly ill. Everyone is different in this respect. Some people have no reaction at all, and others mourn for years, feeling as though their lives are immersed in various forms of tragedy. The fact that I have total recall of events like this makes it harder for me to heal and “move on”, though I am a firm believer that we should all go through the different stages of grief in our own time and at our own pace. No one should ever tell you that something happened “so long ago” and to “get over it”. If they do, you have my full permission to beat them with the weapon of your choice and tell them to “get over it”. (Disclaimer: I am not promoting violence.)
Sixteen years ago, a friend of mine lost his life. He should have lived. I’m thinking of his kids today and it makes me nauseous knowing how their father was snatched from them so early in their lives. Alas, setting my emotions aside on this particular subject is difficult. I could go on and on about it for a year, but it would only end up being repetitious. So for now, I have to move on to another subject, but it’s hard to forget. 😦
I spend no time at all worrying about whether or not people like me. Likeability is highly overrated, and it reminds me of all the people-pleasing children in kindergarten who, oftentimes, become people-pleasing adults. That this is taught by parents and continues to happen makes me sick to my stomach. Who are people helping here, other than psychiatrists and therapists? I was raised with a very simple concept: Not everyone is going to like you and it is almost guaranteed that you won’t like everyone either, so just be yourself. Thank you Mom! 🙂 She didn’t just give me good genes, she gave me an exceptional mind and didn’t foster negativity.
Why am I talking about this? Because it disturbs me how society seeks constant approval. Do you like this? Am I pretty? Should I get Botox? Should I get breast implants? Do you like these shoes? What do you think of the car I just bought (And by all means, let me tell you exactly how much it cost, too.)? SERIOUSLY?! When did we stop asking ourselves what WE want and like? Why do we give a shit what the “color of the year” is? If you can explain any of this nonsense, you’ve already thought about it way too hard. It’s a statement, it doesn’t require a response.
All of the things that matter most in life: Health, happiness, family… It’s damn near thrown on the side of the road like unwanted garbage. There are people who would kill to have their health in tact. There are people who are desperately seeking even just small aspects of happiness. And family? Well, everyone’s interpretation is different. As long as there is love, care, support, honesty, laughter, not to mention safety, then that is a huge part of what makes a family. As a product of an abusive home and someone whose mother ultimately put her foot down and said “No more.” and left, I only wish she’d done it sooner. I often wonder if things would be different now if she had, but I try not to look in the rearview mirror too often because it’s unhealthy to be so distracted when there’s so much in front of you.
Memorial Day Weekend is the unofficial start of summer here in the United States, but it’s also about remembering why we have the freedoms that we do and honoring those who have fought for this country. I am not a fan of summer (and it’s way too cold at the moment to even think about the intensity of summer heat and humidity), but I have family members and friends who have served in different branches of the armed forces, and I salute them all.
No matter where you reside in this world, take stock of the things that are most important this weekend and take the time to enjoy something and smile.
Have a happy & safe weekend.
copyright © 2015 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
I’ve Never Had Less To Say
I find myself needing to be deadly silent today. There is a certain level of inner peace in that. Some people want to have elongated phone conversations with me and I’m just not feeling it.
I’m physically tired, having overdone it yesterday. And yet, I think I only woke up twice in the middle of the night. I slept really well. When I woke up, I was shocked at the fact that I’d gotten uninterrupted sleep. It’s quite the rarity. Everybody always wants something from me. 😦
Today it is quiet and grey, and I can appreciate that, if only for the silence it brings. I am honestly way too tired for more.
Written by LISA MARINO-Molchanova 