Skype Conversations: Part I

Him: Hey babe, what are you doing?

Me: Trying to draw Kylie Jenner’s lips.

Him: WHO?

Me: It requires more lip liner than five people have ever tried using in the 90’s.

Him: Is this a friend I haven’t met?

Me: No. Why?

Him: Well, there’s nothing wrong with your lips, so I don’t understand why you’re still drawing… What the hell did you do to them?

Me: I just told you: Kylie Jenner, lip liner. See?

Him: You don’t need lip liner, you have full lips.

Me: Excuse me?

Him: That’s a good thing- for a woman. You know, ’cause they thin with age.

Me: Learn that in a textbook, did you? (wipes off liner and lip balm)

Him: How did this go so badly so quickly?

Me: Don’t ask me why I’m doing something weird at 2:00 in the morning when I can’t sleep.

Him: Okay. How was your day?

Me: I do not recall, but whatever happened I am sure it led to the insanity of people believing that lip liner and lip injections could ever be similar.

Him: You’ve completely lost me…

Me: You heard me.

Him: You did NOT get lip injections. Tell me you didn’t do something so stupid.

Me: No, I did not get lip injections or they’d be visibly swollen, but thanks ever so much for letting me know that somewhere in my future is thin lips. At least something will be perfectly thin.

Him: I think I have a headache. Why are writers so difficult?

Me: I’m sorry, did you mumble something?

Him: Who, me?