Conversations In My House: Part One

This is an actual conversation I had, verbatim, yesterday morning.

Him: “I’m out of body wash?”

Me: “If the bottle isn’t there, then yes, it would appear so.”

Him: “You didn’t think to replace it?”

Me: <left eyebrow raised> “Do I LOOK like your mother?”

Him: “No. Do you have something I can use for today?”

Me: “I’m sure there’s something in there. In fact, I know there’s plenty in there.”

Him: “Yeah, but they all smell…girly.”

Me: “They rinse clean, just fucking use it.”

Him: “Don’t you have a bar of regular soap?”

Me: “I’m a woman, I use body wash.”

This incites grumbling.

Halfway through the shower I hear this,

Him: “There’s nothing left in this bottle.” (There’s a good three squeezes left in there. I have it upside down right now. 24 ounces is 24 ounces and the bottle is see-thru, I’m not an idiot.)

Me: “It was plenty for an entire shower less than five minutes ago.”

Him: “But now it’s empty.” (There was whining and sighing, it was ridiculous.)

Me: “Here, use this.”

Him: “What does it smell like?”

Me: “It smells fine, just use it. Rinse the shower thoroughly when you’re done so it doesn’t stain. Sometimes this one stains.”

Him: alarmed “Wait, what?! Why will it stain? What IS it?”

I’d already walked out.

Him: “Seriously, what IS this stuff? I’m going to smell like a giant Hershey’s Kiss!”

Philosophy Chocolate Covered Cherry, for the win!

Him, before he shaves and gets dressed: “Be honest. I smell like chocolate, right?”

Lesson to be learned: Don’t be a douche-bag if you want the fancy unisex stuff. Moreover, you’re an adult. Buy your own damn soap! 

copyright © 2015 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.